Death. So final, so irreversible. So not looking forward to it. The thought of dying gives me anxiety attacks. Hardcore. Why tho??? It's so inevitable. It's not even the death itself that worries me, it's wondering who I will become, if anyone/thing, and what will life be like. My brain isn't processing the fact that even if I do reincarnate as someone else, I won't feel the pains of life that person may/may not feel. I think it's the lack of control over it all that's making me freak out. If I could know for sure what kind of person I'd be, and what kind of life I'd lead, I would be all about it.
But noooo, it's all in the hands of God, blah blah etc... What the fuck ever. I try to imagine my death, my funeral. I wonder if it'll be like I just walked out of myself, able to watch everything going on? I hope not, in a way, b/c then I'd just be that much more depressed. Is there depression in the afterlife? LOL, who knows...
L;KJGKL;DSJKLGHDSJKGJLJKDSHNLGKSDG I DON'T, AND THAT'S THE GODDAMN PROBLEM. I'm trying to ease myself into a lesser sorrow once my friends and family start dying on me, as horrible as that sounds. I can't even imagine the struggle w/ my mind I'm gonna go thru...
Why am I thinking about all of this??? Is it b/c I'm watching The Shining??? Must be. I had the same thoughts while watching One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest. I'm convinced that my life will end one of two ways; all fuckin' schitzo'd out like Jack Torrance, or I'll be committed (by self) like Randle McMurphy, and end up being smothered by a giant fucking Indian dude..
Isn't life grand???
Isn't it???
Is it.....?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment