Sunday; "Mommy, I'm NOT being mean to her!"

This was said to me Muva Sunday night after the craziest conversation everrrr.

But that's the end of the story, not the beginning. The day began @ Brandi's apt, and from there, the zoo w/ Angel, etc (lol).. Not zoo like, "Yeah let's go to the ZOO!" but the zoo like, "I have to take these sodas to work." lol. She works @ the greenhouse thingy behind it. I didn't really pay attention to where we were going until I looked out my window (right passenger) to see an elephant just straight kickin' it.. I was like, "Oh, shit! Well, hell..." haha. What a random image.

The greenhouse/garden place was pretty cool. Haven't been to the Norfolk Zoo in EONS. I took lil pics and video, I do believe. I need a USB port to easily transfer all the stuff I have now. I'm currently sending some to My Album.

Soooooo yeah, I get a tour of that place and the 4 greenhouses she runs, and then LAURENCE THE ASSHOLE has to scare the SHIT outta me by saying "And this is where the SNAKES are!!!" all fuckin' excitable like one might just spring out and gnaw on my ankle real quick.. SHEEEEEIIIIIITTTTTT I was out like shout.. Fuck all that!

Oh, I must make mention of the drama that occurred after the trip to the zoo.

There was a plan for 2 to see a movie. Then there was a plan for 3, which turned into a plan for 4-5, WHICH TURNED INTO A PLAN FOR A DIFF MOVIE. WHIIIIIICH turned into a plan for NO movie, just finding something we could all do. During that, there was some doggy drama that didn't NEED to be drama. Problems created, problems solved, pants returned and new, smaller ones chosen, etc etc..

Driving my new caaaaaaaand I guess NOT :|

Aaaand then all parties went to Guadalajara @ Hilltop.. Fuck it, right???

After that, I was called upon to babysit, which I did w/ Lauren and Dawn's company, while we watched I Think I Love My Wife, which had me dyin' @ certain parts.. Chris Rock is insane..

But the night became interesting when Lauren and I went to Brent's to say hello to everyone there.. As usual, I was whippin' around in Pop's electric wheelchair. The speed STAYS on Rabbit when I got that bitch, haha. Anyway we were all (Rob, Brent, Travis, Nick, Sarah, eeeeeetttttttcccccc) bullshittin' and telling stories - per usual, when I get a call from my mom. This is the craziest convo we've had in a MINUTE. Wanna know what it was about? How it started?

It aaaaaalllllll started when my Ma came home and paid me part of what LV owes me. When she told me the amount I had yet to recieve, I told her it should be MORE than that b/c I've watched these idiots more since then, so how is that the figure? And then after some chat about that, I left, and on the way out of the neighborhood I had a convo w/ LV asking her just what my hourly rate was in her eyes b/c I wasn't sure if we were clear. After her answer, and my admittedly super-sarcastic comments to her, I hung up and then thought about it.. The figure was def $5 short than the inital convo about this job, which means she really owes me like $100 if you think about it. So I texted my Ma and asked her to be sure before I flipped the hell out, but she never responded so I let it go. THEN an hour later @ Brent's, I get the call.

All heck broke loose after that.

THIIIIIIIIIS BITCH called my Ma crying or w/e saying that my sarcasm hurts her feelings and makes her think I don't like her. Also said that I'm condescending to her (whiiiiiich let's be honest, I'm known to do) and all that jazz.. So my dear old Mum decides that I need to be NICE to her, stop talking down to her, and try and be more pleasant.

"WHAT!!?? MA, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? LIKE FOR REAL.. YOU'RE REALLY SAYING THIS TO ME.. I'M NOT EVEN MEEEEEAN TO HER!!"

B/c really, in the end I'm DEF not nearly as mean as I could be. I COULD be vicious. Not just to her, but to anyone, but I'm not. Only when I'm joking around. People should be so fucking lucky, I SWEAR. ONE MORE PERSON tells me I'm mean that's already said it..

REALLY, NO SHIT, GET THE FUUUUUCK OVER IT THO. OR GET A NEW FRIEND. I REALLY DGAF.

SOMEHOW, the "meanest person" always seems to get to listen to other people's fucking DRAMA, etc but if I'm so mean, why would you tell me? Wouldn't I just turn you away? Hm? K so stfu then.

Like I said, COULD BE vicious, but I'm not........... Really.

ANYWAY... I start getting all mad and I literally have tears in my eyes b/c I can't believe we're having this conversation. As if I don't do enough for that bitch, she wants me to play fuckin' Serial Mom, too!?!? And keep it PEACHY KEEN, JELLYBEAN.... Wooooooooow really cuz you're a grown ass mother of 4, if you can't take a lil sarcasm, you don't need to breathe my air. I need it to laugh @ every mistake you make, which is PLENTY. Number one being SABRINA, thanks.

So we're still arguing w/ everyone listening to me freak out.. I'm pretty sure she hung up on me right after I started the tears up, but then she called me back after I almost drove myself thru the door of Brent's front porch, lmmmmfao. That would've been awesome but I braked mad hard. That was also right after Travis tried to get me to smoke b/c I was so upset.

GRRRRRRRRRRRLSDGHL;DSHJGO;LSDKHJGL;KDSJL;GSDJG!!!!!!!!!!!

My mom calls back and we have the same convo, but I'm trying in the calmest inside voice EVER, MINUS ANY AND ALL SARCASM B/C SHE THREATENED TO HANG UP IF I DIDN'T CUT IT OUT.. WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF AND I JUST HELD THAT F KEY SOOOO HARD..

IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR, FUCK HER. I was telling my Ma that if I have to deal w/ her DUMB ASS KIDS, OR HER DIRTY ASS WAY OF LIVING, SHEEEEEEE HAS TO GET THE FUCK OVER ME BEING ME. I told her I wasn't doing it to be MEAN, but I CANNOT STANNNNNNNND A STUPID PERSON AND LV ISN'T THE BRIGHTEST CRAYON IN THE BOX. Actually that was after my Ma was like, "Of COURSE her kids are stupid, she's not exactly a smart person, Lisa. She can't help it if she's not smart like you (cheese!), not everyone can be a genius (double-cheese!) but you're gonna have to get over it. You're hurting her for real."

Okay, all the kudos aside, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Really, she could EASILY help her kids out by getting them help in school, but she acts like there's no problem w/ being a LOT stupid. Not just a little. Which is what I told her.. She tells ME that "LaViece isn't a strong person. Don't let her fool you, Lisa.. She's really not that strong of a person, and you're making her cry which is affecting her day-to-day. Her store isn't performing well, and on top of that, you're being mean to her."

REEEEEEEEAAAAALLLLLLLLYYYYYYYY CUZ YOU SEE NO PROBLEM IN STILL BEING A BITCH TO ME ON THE REGULAR THANKS TO YOUR SPOILED YOUNGEST DAUGHTER, NOT TO MENTION MY ENTIRE UPBRINGING, BUT NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN IT'S FUCKING SESAME STREET IN THIS BITCH!?!?!

MORE POINTS IN MY FAVOR SHOWING HOW I AAAAAALWAYS GET THE SHORT END OF THE FUCKING STICK IN THIS FAMILY.

I have to be nice but LAUREN can be the BIGGEST CUNT EVER to my MOTHER and still reap every benefit possible. I called my Ma a bitch earlier in the day just playing and she called me back to tell me "Let that be the last time in your fucking life that you call me a bitch." REALLY, I'M SURE LAUREN JUST GOT DONE DOING SO/SLASHING YOUR TIRES/BREAKING OUT THE FUCKING WINDOWS OF YOUR ROOM BUT OOOOOOOOKAAAAAAAAAAY!!!

CAMP CAN DO!

Fuck outta here.

Can you feel the underlaying resentment towards my family? Bout to bubble, baby... But anyway.. I'm keeping my cool the best way I know how, by talking like SHE is 7 and I'm the adult. There is no middle ground when I'm that upset. I have to address you like a child, or like an adult FULLY capable of hearing another adult get mad. BUUUUT OF COURSE, I can't have that convo w/ my Ma so I'm stuck w/ the kid gloves. I told her the reasons why I prob do have an attitude (she was like, "I can believe it b/c you have an attitude NOW.") towards LV. Like I said, the living conditions, and the dumb lil "Oops I'm a stupidhead" type shit LV says when she fucks up ANY AND EVERY LITTLE THING I'VE ASKED HER TO DO SINCE I GOT HERE. Stupidity OBVIOUSLY makes me angry, so WHYYYYY would you follow dumb w/ DUMBER. It's only cute in the movies, bitch. OMFG.

My Ma also told me that she doesn't like being around me when I'm all sarcastic etc, and I told her I don't like being around HER b/c I don't care, it's ME and it's BEEN ME, so why does it matter now??? I don't get it. Look @ all of the shit I have dealt w/ in my life, just the family side of it. ALL OF IT is the reason why I'm this way now, so if it's YOUR fault, don't get mad @ me a decade too late. It's already over, the war has ceased. After this, I'm gonna post an old LJ entry I found that clearly shows me @ the breaking point. I literally feel like I work in Purgatory. It's like God found a white family that sorta mirrors parts of my childhood and now wants me to repeat it day after day.

I told my mom that the ONLY reason I am putting myself thru this shit is b/c above all, SHE NEEDS ME TO DO THIS. If LV had to stay home, her store would suffer critically, and my Ma wouldn't get paid nearly as much as she does now. Really, BOTH of these bitches should be paying me.. But anway I told her that I would try, promised it to her that I wouldn't give LV a hard time even if it killed me. I was still baffled by the time we got off the phone w/ a bunch more I love you's, but w/e.

I'm not meant to understand it, remember? I'm too smart to understand it, apparently. Don't know how THAT works, but ok.

I wish there was a transcript of this, video and audio, so you can literally hear where I try to bring my tone down during several key points of debate. You couldn't find a better mother-daughter debate team, I swear. It seriously bruised my soul to have her ask me to do all of that, but in the end I'm sure she will look out for me in some way. If I had the balls to, I'd prob cry right now just thinking about it all. I feel like she asked so much from me, knowing how my brain works, knowing how much family life really doesn't appeal to me @ all.

The things we do for love.....



Of course, the roles would be in reverse had I been talking about the relationship b/t my mom and sister, but ok.. Let's keep being a dick to the only one to EVER really gaf...