See, now WTF!?!? [!!!!!!!!!!]

Sooooooo, we all know that I'm going to be alone for the holidays, barring a few instances. Right? Agreed. And that this has been THE worst holiday for me... Right?? Agreed.

Then please explain to me how Morgan managed to drive half an hour from Hampton to see me for 2 hours, but Brandi, Lauren, Ryan etc who live on THIS SIDE of the water just came in for TEN MINUTES and left!! AND Megan the other day, who also kicked it for a few hours..

First off, wtf... Lauren called ME today to confirm that she was coming over to bake cookies after work, so when she's @ the door I'm not surprised. She comes in, sits down and starts chatting w/ me while I'm making mac and cornbread for Stevo and I (lonely bitches!) which is word, cool whatever..

Then she gets up, goes to the door and comes back w/ Brandi & Ry Guy, Angel, Jay (raaandom) & the boys... So in my head I'm like, "FUCKIN' SWEEEEEEET" but I don't want to react b/c like I said the other day, until plans stick and shit starts poppin' off, I'm not gonna get my hopes up too much.

We're all talking and I'm telling Brandi about the pic I just sent her on Myspace w/ this hooootttt ass hairdo I want her to try.. Yadda yadda...

THEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNN everyone starts saying their GOODBYES.

WHAT.

THE.

FUUUUUUUUUCK was the point of that?? SUPPOSEDLY we're getting together tonight, however I'm not retarded, FUCK having faith in these bitches @ this point. So instantly I'm damn-near hysterical. Lauren's asking me which cookies she can take and I'm trying not to look her in the face cuz I know the waterfalls are mothafuckin' on THEEEEEEEEE way. She leaves and I just fucking crumble. It was horrible, dude. I'm bawling my eyes out b/c my friends apparently feel sorry for me, but not enough to make it count.

I DON'T WANT YOUR SYMPATHY MOTHERFUCKERS I JUST WANTED TO NOT BE ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY READY TO HANG MYSELF NEXT TO THE MISTLETOE, BUT THANKS FOR THE CAMEO, REALLY APPRECIATED IT!!!

Cuz THAT'S what I wanted, to see all the people I HAVEN'T seen who've BLOWN ME OFF all Xmas season for TEN GODDAMN MINUTES.

FUCK that. I called Angel hysterically crying, and then Lauren who had some response I couldn't even hear over my own tears so I just said "GOODBYE" and hung up..

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?!!

AGAIN, BITCH, YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUU MADE THE FUCKING PLAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had an opportunity to get the FUCK outta VA TWO WEEKS AGO but I didn't want to b/c I don't want to miss Lauren's 21st birthday Jan 28....

BUUUUUUT she's PERFECTLY fine leaving me high and dry every weekend, w/ every plan, etc.

Fuck your birthday, dude. If I get the chance again, I'm out. Ya'll made me out to be the bad guy when you were dating Jeremy and I wasn't "there for you like a best friend should be"... THAT WAS JUST SOME YOUNG-ASS DUDE YOU DON'T EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE AS AN EX, THIS IS MY LIFE, MY HEART, AND MY FEELINGS.

FUCK, man.

HOW MANY WAYS DO I HAVE TO SAY IT???

I DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT - dooooo fucking NOT like sharing my true feelings w/ A-N-Y-O-N-E, and I laid it aalllllll out there for the WORLD to see repeatedly and everyone BUT the ones who I was specifically addressing came to the rescue.

How the fuck does that make YOU look?? You pieces of shit! I mean it!! How the hell could you do that to me??

And you? Oh LORD! Your BROTHER, your prick-ass, pain-in-the-ass, SELFISH SONUVABITCH BROTHER had to console me. WHAAAAAAAT!?!? In what alternate universe does that take place!?!??!

I want nothing more than to lay down and die but b/c I know full well that I'm stronger than that, here I am. But you?? Nahhh, son.

That is NOT cool.

At all.

I'm not even mad @ any of them, it's just one in a long list of reasons why I know I have GOT to get the fuck outta here. Even Sarup stood me up the other night!! SARUP!! Ol Faithful, Queen Reliable!! THAT was heartbreaking as well, but it's such a rare occasion, and I haven't spoken to her about it so I won't speak on it anymore. But everyone else I'm mad @ has been spoken to personally (if I haven't, this isn't about you) and knows full well what is going on here.

Whatever, man. The camel not only has a broken back, but there's also a Samurai sword in there, right in the middle of a MEAN yellow streak.

I love you guys, but NOTHING you've been thru this year compares to what I've been thru. None of you needed the cheering up like I did.

Like I DO.