WHY WHY WHY WHY!?!?!

IT'S NOT FUCKING FAIR, GODDAMMIT!!!

UGH!

GRRRRRRR!

LMFAO.

Oh my GOD, whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy... I opened my mail when I got on here, starting w/ one from Morgan which had a link to a memorium on MSN that featured Brad Renfro. I'm stoked that it's there, but of course it makes me :( soooo... I'm not right now tho, so don't worry, this won't take long..

I also stumbled upon a Turner Classic Movies tribute that features him around the 1:38 mark. It's so fucking stupid for him to be gone. I can't make it make sense no matter what, and I wouldn't be that worried about it if it weren't for the fact that I'm still :|||||||||||||| over Kurt Cobain dying and that was when I was 12 damn years old.. SO long ago, and yet there's still so much regret. It's the never knowing part. I was jammin' to Silverchair this morning and I was thinking that if Daniel Johns died, I would HAVE to kill Lauren for ruining my opportunity to meet him on my bday in '07.

What iffffffffff... I'm not even talking love & marriage, I just want to know what great convos etc could've come from it.. That's the way I feel about Brad. I mean, obv love and marriage are a part of it, lol, buuuuuut.. Just meeting him PERIOD and being able to say that, to say I encountered the lurrrrrve of my life @ least ONCE.

The man I marry has some heavy shoes to fill, ones never worn @ that. Sucks to be him.

It's like being obsesed w/ Marilyn Monroe, or Princess Diana.. Elvis. What feeds it is the fact that you def will never get to experience that person's life in full flesh, to watch their faces as they talk to you.. I'm such a whore for awesome experiences like that, I mean look @ how many people I've already met in my life that I am stoked about?? I was such a autograph whore back in the deezy, holy shit.. I just like making that connection, to feel the humanity of a person for myself.

In '09 I want to make the Daniel Johns thing a reality, no matter what the eff I gotta do. I can't go thru this again, fuck aaaaaaaallllllllll that nonsense. THAT would certainly be the nail in my coffin. It's not like I wouldn't love to meet Ben & Chris along w/ Daniel, but there is no Silverchair w/o Daniel Johns, plus he is the voice to the thoughts so obv that makes him more important to me. It's the weary soul that my heart cannot let go of. Notice how most of my obsessions are in some kind of way troubled.. I don't like normal people, I'm too insane for that.

Aaaaaaaaaand IMO he's one of the most beautiful people on the planet, so that helps.

Soooooooo yeah, like I said I won't drag this one out.. There are other things I want to write about, even if they don't get posted today.