Why do I do this to myself??? [!!!!]

More importantly, why does GOD!?? I didn't ask for my latest form of punishment, but it's there.

W/ little over a month until the year anniversary of Brad Renfro's death, all of these random signs keep pointing to him. Jessica has noticed them also, and it's gaaaaaaaaaayer than gay b/c I am already 1000000000000000000% still in shock/mourning his passing, so... To pull a little Aniston from my hat, it's really uncool.

And w/ that I must say that I wish you all were as pop culture obsessed as I am so you'd get that.. But anyway!

I was thinking the other day about how I can't wait for 'The Informers' to come out and how I know I'm prob going to bawl my eyes out the entire movie and then I'm like... Hm... The book & screenplay come from Bret Easton Ellis, author of one of the most eye-opening books ever (if you're crrrrrazy like me!), American Psycho... WHICH __________________________________________________________________ (can't talk about it until I find a publisher), and that was one little co-nnec-tion I was unhappy w/.. Then there's all the self-torture where I somehow end up "researching" something from one of his movies, or seeing an actor listed on something else, knowing that if I keep clicking long enough I will end up on his page b/c they've worked together before..

And thennnnnnnnnnnn, after I laid in Stevo's bed THIS MORNING thinking about how I was going to slit my wrists in Jan if I don't chiiiiillll....

UGH.. Ugggghhhhhhhhhhh... I was TRYING to read about James Franco's hot ass on a news site, and then the ax fell yet again, right on my poor widdle heart!! Here's an excerpt from the article;

"First up, how was he affected by actor Heath Ledger's untimely death?

"I was in between classes, waiting in line at a café. Somebody wrote me that Heath had died, and it really upset me. It was weird, because it seemed like a lot of incredible people died in the past year -- Sir Anthony Minghella, Sydney Pollack. Brad Renfro died the week before Heath and I'd worked with him twice. It was really adding up. So I wrote something about it, that I actually read at the Hammer Museum in LA ... I'm so shy about talking about it, because in print, it sounds like 'Oh, James Franco likes poetry!'"

Kudos to Franco for actually mentioning Brad Renfro. The Academy didn't even show his pic during their "In Memoriam" section the last time."

Who's heart stopped upon reading that?? Ohh, that would MOST DEF be me.. I was juuuust saying in my head that his ____________-meter just went up sooo far.. N/m that he reminds me of a pothead Daniel Johns in 'Pineapple Express', this nigga had to bring up my baaaaaaby!?! I L-O-V-E you!

As I'm taking all of that in/thinking about how awesome it was for him to mention Brad, I get to the part where the person who wrote the article threw their two cents in and I about hit the floor.. Oh! The warmth..!

However, it's such a bittersweet moment.. I want him to be remembered, I want people to acknowledge that this is a life gone, one worth BILLIONS IN COMPARISON (cuz I would def fork over the duckets in a game of Life Swap if I could) that I loved so much.. But @ the same time, I would muuuuuch rather see press about him promoting his up-coming movies, etc etc...

DLJSGHKLDSHGLDSHGLSLFKDJSGFLKSDG;LDSKIHIIOG;IASjG IT WILL NEVERRRRRRRR MAKE SENSE TO ME, NEVER EVER. I cannot come to grips w/ it. The true side of obsession! OMFG!

I am throwing up all over the keyboard right now, or @ least my fingers are.. Esp after seeing something about this memorial fund his EX-GIRLFRIEND TY HE'S DEAD NOW HA HE BELONGS TO JESUS, NOT YOU started up... BITCH, you SHOULD'VE started a fund for the gas to drive him to rehab if you knew he was USING AGAIN... IIIIIIII JUST WANT TO KNOW WHYYYY... I don't think I could ever meet her. I would beat the breaks offa her, and I know it. I couldn't look her in the eye, DEF wouldn't be able to tolerate stories about their happiness.. IF HE WAS SO HAPPY WHY WAS HE USING AGAIN DUMB CUNT WHORE DIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

*crazy unsteady breathing*

This goes out to all of you; I hope your idol dies tomorrow, and I mean it. From the bottom of my ♥.



"If you've never tried drugs, DON'T. If you have, pray" - Brad Renfro. A quote that KILLS me b/c he was discovered in a D.A.R.E. class!! REALLY?? I aaaaaaaaaaaaalmost wish I'd never heard of him, that no one outside of Knoxville, TN had ever heard of him. It's one of those things where I lose out b/c who would be in his place, so obv the coming into fame part is crucial.. However could a bitch have just ONE meeting w/ him??

GRACIOUS.

PS, LOVE how that video ends @ 7:24.. My birthday....! Brad's is the day after...

WAS.

IIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.