The One W/ The Year-End Blog.

Some things are better left unsaid. Of course, no one told ME that until it was too late.

Gooooooooood mornin', Vietnam! Happy New Year, good fucking riddance 2007. By the time I post this, it won't be '08 yet, but still.. You get the fucking point.

I seriously don't even know wtf to start, there's soooooooo much shit to talk about...

Let's see.. The start of the year, immeeeeeediate bang w/ Lauren's near-arrest over her suspended license (unbeknownst to her), which sent Brandi and I over the edge to the point where WE almost got arrested... I got your back, homie.. I got your back for life!

But that wasn't always the case w/ some of you...... To me, 2007 = maaaad betrayal. All sorts of friend/relationships got fucked up this year... Good god.. We alllll had our shady ass moments... Or just moments in general... THANKS TO GRIFF, I had mine mad early, got that alllll outta the way... Not that Brandi and I didn't butt heads on like 10 other things, but none were as important... I'm @ a campsite w/ the Richmond boys straight gettin' snapped on via celly, aww.. I ♥ you, Ninja...

Whiiiiiiiich brings me to the BEACH CREW portion of the blog.....

Like I said before, if this is how you treat family, I'm gooooooood on THAT.... I can't wait to see who's NOT @ Scandals come NYE... Nobody's perfect, forgive and forget etc etc blah blah...............

Cuz I done heard some shiiiiiiiiiiiiiittttttttt about ya'll... Not all of you, no.. I got mad love for those who know........ BUUUUUUUUUT some of you bitches are downright TRIFLIN' and your time in the spotlight will come.

Names??? Oh, YOU KNOOOOWWWWWWWW..... Just not who you think, b/c you're too busy still passing judgement on that, EEEEEVEN THO YOU'RE A DIRTY LIL CUNT YOUR DAMN SELF.....

Moving right along.... l.o.v.e/h.a.t.e

Lower case, niggas. Bitches betta get it right...........

This year, maaaaad random hook-ups happened... I walk w/ Josh (Sherrrrrrrrman) to grab his tattoo shit, and BAM! I find out this nigga is dating/living w/ Shay.... Say whaaaaaaaat!?!? That's another couple who've been thru some SHiT this year... Josh, ♥ ya, we cool, etc... But fuck up ONE 'MO 'GIN, and I'mma busssssss yo head to the white meat.... You were up to no good, aaaaaaand you know it.. BUT! You've more than redeemed yourself, and I wish ya'll nothin' but the best, and a lack of DRAMA. Don't get yourself caught up w/ them lil floozies the REST of your boys can't seem to keep their dicks out of..................

SHE'S MY BEEEEEEEST FRIEND'S GIIIIIIRL...!

Shay, good LAAAAAAWDY, did we get close as fuck or WHAT!?!?! Seriously, ya'll have provided the both of us w/ SOOOOOOO much to talk about, it's unreal. Don't tell us secrets. I'm tellin' HER, and she's tellin' ME, haha.. Flaaaaaaat the fuck out... And just shit from THIS YEAR, wooo... Our friends have been awfully busy... Some w/ each other, some w/ each other's other....... *snicker* .....

There's a-LOT of dots in this blog...

Ahhhhh yesssss.... What a year, hm? It's the year that I just stopped giving a fuck about ERRRRRBODY, friends included. Not literally, just in terms of, ok you pissed me off, not mincing words just b/c you're my boy/girl... Sometimes you just gotta let it flow... I've suffered faaaaar too much unhappiness just trying to be the good friend, etc. Why, I do not know, esp since half of you take my friendship for granted as is. Apparently Becca assumed that b/c I love her, I wasn't gonna dig into her ass each and every time she did some dumb shit. HOOOOOOORRIBLY WRONG, but that's ok! We live and we learn... And by we, I mean everyone BUT her, hahaha.. ♥

This year basically proved that white bitches never listen/learn from shiiiiiitttttt.. Not just the one I just mentioned, but she also shares the crown.

Errrrrrrrrr!!!! Niggas is SIMPS, too... Go and brush your shoulders off... I know mad dudes that got played this year. Some from the same female, haha. By show of hands, who WASN'T listening when BBD said "never trust a big butt and a smile"??? Apparently ALL of you. I don't care how much "you love her and can't live w/o her", sometimes, YA JUST FUCKIN' NEED TO... The best part about this year is that 99.9% of the drama and betrayal was flat-out BOLD PRINT in people's faces, but some poor humans can't face the truth so they live, marry, and sometimes re-marry a lie. I hope to GOD someone kills me before my life is marred by deceit. Dooooooon't... Don't let me be the laaaaaast to knoooooooowwww...

I wonder if Britney sang that to Jamie Lynn???

I wonder if ______ sang it to ____?? I knew like the day before, maaaaaaaybe two days before she did, but I didn't KNOWWWWW know.. I just kinda knew.. I still regret not saying anything, but it was hearsay.....

Meaning I heard it, and said it to someone else, just not her. Ooh, all I want to talk about is DRAMA. I swear, it permiated sooooooo much of my year, that it's just naturally gonna come up every other paragraph. Plus, we've all been some dirty ass mafakas this year, and I want everyone involved to read this and marinate in their own private shame. Maybe they can print it out and read it on the way to FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA....

K enough of the cheap digs... I'm going for the expensive stab.

Speeeeeeaking of FL however, DEFFFF had some of the best times EVERRRRRR w/ Brandi and G-riffic.. Dew Tour? Ah-sum. Metal Mulisha signing? Ah-summmmmmm-errrrrrr... I really want a BBQ sammich from the Lakeland Ale House, and while I'm there I'll knock Mi Vida Loca on her ass, maybe scrub off some of that Plaster Caster lookin' ass mold of a face she wears to work..

Fresh off my own spiteful comment, I MUST make mention of the insanely high amount of spite spewed from the lips of some of my besties... Look @ Jessica.... Even before the recent events that occured (btw, she's DEF in jail thru the New Year), her name could neverrrrrrr be brought up w/o SOMEONE saying something spiteful. We're all a band of fuck-ups, we just pick and choose which ones we focus on. Nicky is another one that catches a lot of shit. Not to her face, NOOOO, we're not THAT brave..... And even when they are, it's "hahajustkiddingeventhoimnot"... The "eventhoimnot" part is silent. We ALLLL talk mad shit, plain and simple, but everyone acts so fucking Puritan when other people get called out for it. It's one of our country's favorite pastimes, like blatant racism/stereotyping and homophobia.

The unwritten rules for that type of thing is it's ok, so long as you don't get caught doing it. I think masturbation, nose-picking, and eating off the floor all fall under that same category. All three disgust me. Yeah, I said it. Masturbation should be a solely spectator sport. I don't know how that works for the person DOING it, but I'll find the loophole.

After all, I found my true passion, my reason to grow the fuck up... If the pen is mightier than the sword, then what is the keyboard??? TJ, I love you. You and Shay kick-started my QUITE OBVIOUS neeeeeed to write. I think that if I lost a hand, I'd commit suicide. Not even think, I KNOW. I almost don't want to fight ever again, jic...

Minus last night. DEF was about to wreck a bitch.... I LOVE how all those bitches scattered the moment I walked up.... And I LOOOOVE Lauren's little jackmove for the front-row, haha.. But I'm not talking about that, I'll get people in trouble. I mean, the word will get out either way, buuut.... If I didn't say it first, it doesn't count! :D

I wish I'd thought up the Gossip Girls series.. I could guest-write in a book.. I've done seen some shit go down that I would loooooooooooooove to talk about in a non-tattling way.. Def seen enough tattling take place this year, haha.. I'm good on THAT for the next couple eons..

WOOOOOOOOW, the year is over... It's really just now hitting me for real, thanks to the That 70's Show moment I just had in the garage in front of Stevo's heater w/ the radio on Bob FM... Awwwwwriiiiiight... Damn, now I want to watch Dazed & Confused... Ugh...

Listening to Silverchair, my fingers will prob never stop now...

"I'll only maaaaaake you cryyyyyy w/ these feeeeeeeeliiiiiiiiiiiins...." Aaaaand I feel myself ready to launch into an episode, forgive me fahja, for I have sinned...

Sooooooo Clutch came by here a lil while ago and we chatted out front.. He claims he's tired of trying to be nice to everyone, b/c it just blows up in his face, etc....

REEEEEEEEALLY, HAVEN'T I BEEN SAYING THAT TO YOU THIS ENTIRE TIME!!??! I told him to just go ahead and be nice when he wants to, fuck it, right??? He won't do it, but I gotta keep telling him just so I can say I did, lol.. This whole him and _____ thing is getting a lil weird, hm? LOL.. ♥

GURRRRRRRY! YOU'RE IN TOWN, YOU RAT BASTARD... THANKS FOR TELLING ME WHEN YOU KNEW I WOULDN'T REMEMBER, HAHA...

Ok soooooooo what else.. GOD, so much shit happened this year.. The Mercers are wild'n! I broke someone's leg w/ a pool stick... Lauren broke her hand on a wall, haha... Jessica's in JAIL, Brandi's got a 2 year old, lmmmmfao... I think she wins the Most Random title, b/c all the others could be sorta predicted.. I fuck people up anyway, Lauren stay throwin' and punchin' shit, and Jessica, well.... We all know Jessica... Whiiiiich is a lie, a good portion of you don't... Well, she's in my Top.. Mortified Penguin, lol.. Awwwwww, now I want to play Splinter Cell..

My mind just went absolutely blank. What the FUCK!

Ohh, so uhh.. I did a lot more traveling... I've decided that The Steve Miller Band - Jet Airliner is my theme song for life. That, and KMK - Endless Highway.. I don't know what it is, but GOD it feels good to get away from here. Even if only for a day or two.. I was in NY last weekend, I think it was.. Just b/c.. Almost went to New England this weekend. REALLY wish I had, lol. Morgan wants to go home, and I want to get away. How perfect? And thennnnn I could stop by and see my favorite Massholes, haha. Take some more pics in the desolate town I once called home.

Byyyyyyyy the way, I seriously seeeeeeeriously either need A. that fuckin' Fly Pentop shit or B. a fucking tape recorder.. But I'd much rather see it in type b/c I can still get my own emphasis after the fact, I just need to remember the actual details..

Uh-ohhhh, presto chang-o, I'm not writing this blog anymore.. Why? B/c no one fucking listens anyway... I wasted so much of my time and energy this year trying to help the blind see, and it got me nowhere but mad fuckin' frustrated, soooooo you get no witty epithats, nothing. You get to sit and sulk, just like I do when you bombard me w/ your fucking problems that you REALYL don't want a solution to or else you'd stop being such a jackass... I can't count how many times this year I had someone tell me I was right, long after I told THEM I was going to be, or w/e the sitch was... It wouldn't be as irritating if people wouldn't say "Oh, I know" after you tell them something, only to have their actions show how they either DIDN'T know, or DID, but didn't care. THAT also got mad annoying... Stop crying me a river if you're just gonna mop it up w/ lemon Pine-Sol to make it all sunny and clear, ooooonly to have the inevitable happen and once again, I'm shin-deep in sadness having NOTHING to do w/ me...

After much mental review, I don't like this year so much... TOO much drama that wasn't mine, which I obv take partial blame for b/c I don't haaaave to listen, but I have difficulties flipping the switch.

Sooooooo, I'm not gonna make any bold resolutions to change or w/e b/c for all the things about me that have changed, I'm still the same kid w/ the cheesy smile. The things I needed to change, like NOT being an asshole for the sake of some bullshit, that's over w/... I did enough awesome things to make myself feel better about life, so fuck it.. Bring me a new year, just 12 more months to fuckin' conquer and do shit you never thought I could do, so whaaaaatevuh, man.. Let's get it crackin!

Ohhh, wait. I know what I DO want to do finally, and what I WILL be doing thanks to my Ma.. I caaaaaaaannooooooot stress how over MYSELF and my own bullshitting that I am.. This can't go on.. I mean, it WILL, but not as severe!

Aaaahhhhh soooo Griff is here, I'm just gonna end it.. I don't want anything prolific, etc like I said..

It's just words, right???



WROOOOOOONG, these words are gonna propell me to where I want to be.. These words make me happy, happier than I've been in ages, so uhh..

K can't end this.. I realized that I had little crushes on certain people, some I just want to stop bullshittin'..... I did the math, you don't add up. Whaaaat-ever, in the new year I ain't got tiiiiiiiiime to focus on shit like that. I want so badly to stick to my plans....

OH, SHIIIIIIT.... LOVE.. Back to love again... LOVE IS RETARDED, LOVE IS A DEATH TRAP, LOVE IS MOOT.

Some of THE dumbest, most psycho/dramatic moments of my LIFE came in the name of love... Not ME, heeeeell NAH, but I done seen some shit that would make your stomach turn..

BLAH BLAH EIDOGJOLDJHGOIEJGOIDJOGJDSG I AM STOPPING NOW B/C I DON'T FEEL LIKE THE PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE TAKING WHAT I HAVE TO SAY TO HEART WILL EVEN BE LISTENING, SO FUCK IT...

GOODBYE, TWO-THOUSAND SEVEN.

Seriously, what in the hell...

Did I do to recieve horrible service EVERYWHERE!?!

I was just thinking about last Sat when I got the grossest eggs possible @ Denny's (Rosemont).. Not only that, but what did I do to deserve the same exact response from Lauren every single time. As a friend, I am BEGGING YOU to never chime in ever again when I am voicing a food-related complaint. As I have said MANY, MANY times to ALL of my friends who've worked in that industry - I DON'T GIVE A SINGLE SOLITARY FUCK about where YOU worked, and how they did it, etc.. I DGAF whooooo's fault it is, b/c I know for a fact that it's not MINE. It seriously irritates me more than the food fuck-up when people constantly have something to say, as if A, they cooked my meal, or B, I GIVE A FUCK. I am thisclose to punching the next person - WHOEVER IT MAY BE - in the mouth for even considering to argue against me when it ISN'T YOUR PLACE TO SPEAK B/C I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU/ABOUT YOU.

DISHG;ISHJGKDKSLJG;SDKH JUST STFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU ALREADY, GOD.. People seriously need to learn when to STFU.. Not just around me, which would be AWESOME btw, but in general. If you have nothing valid to say, please.... Talk to someone else stupid, my brain is on dumb-overload.

But back to the food.. Morgan has become my official order person b/c she can say it w/o getting irritated, lol.. We usually both explain how I want the food, b/c I just haaaaave to stress the anger that will be soon to follow if it's wrong.. We tell this bitch about the eggs.. LIGHTLY SCRAMBLED.. FLUFFY.. ZERO COARSENESS, 0, ZILCH.. I DO NOT like coarse eggs.. They should be yellow all around, not partially brown.. Even if it's just a leeeeeeeeettle bit, I can handle that b/c I always eat my center eggs and leave the COARSE OUTSIDES alone.. We explain all of that, tell her that I will not eat it if it comes out wrong.. And that I want crispy but not burnt bacon.. She runs the order back, I concur, that's that...

PLEASE... FOR THE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE OF GOD, HELP ME UNDERSTAND HOW MY SHIT CAME OUT 10000000000000% WRONG... And while you're explaining, grab your shotgun..

My eggs are brown ALL OVER, to the point where I can hold them up w/o them falling apart.. SOOOOOO HARD and trife, omfg.. I immediately get pissed off, but I told the waitress that I'm not mad @ HER, that the cook is the fuck-up.. All that good shit.. This is where _____ chimes in b/c god FORBID she has nothing to say about something 100% not involving her, lol.. I'm trying to talk to the waitress while telling the Child Wonder to stfu b/c I'm not talking to her/not HER food sooooooo... OEFLGHJH;LDSGL;DFHKLSJDG I AM NOT TALKING TO YOU NOT TALKING TO YOU NOT TALKING TO YOU NOT TALKING TO YOU NOT TALKING TO YOU N O T T A L K I N G T O Y O U. SHUUUUUUUUUUUUT THEEEEEEEEE FUUUUUUUUUUUCK UUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't know how many times/ways I can stress that, but there's my best shot of the moment. Grr.

ANYWAY, I'm getting more and more pissed off the more Lauren is talking to me b/c I seriously DO NOT and REFUSE to grasp the concept that a person can ASK YOU SPECIFICALLY WHAT YOU WANT and deliver anything BUT. Why are you writing it down??? Are you actually going to get it right!?!? Why is it that in food service, people are allowed to do the least amount of their job!? You took a job as a COOK, a cook who has NO CHOICE but alter my meal to my liking... People act like I asked him to make me fucking filet mignon (AND EVEN IF I DID.......)... IT'S CHEESE EGGS... GET IT RIGHT....!!!!!!!

And THEN the same chirping little bird asks me why I bother eating out if I'm going to complain.................................

WWWWWHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYY SHOULD I BE FORCED TO EAT @ HOME/WHEREVER JUST B/C SOMEONE DOESN'T WANT TO DO THEIR JOB!??!?!?! If this was TACO BELL not giving us steak & nacho cheese ONLY Chalupas, you'd have a BF... IT'S THE SAME FUCKING THING, JACKASS, FOOD SERVICE IS FOOD SERVICE.. IF THIS IS WHAT I ASKED FOR, FUCKING GIVE IT TO ME, THANKS PREEEEEEEESH. NO excuses, just fucking DO IT...

Am I picky!?? YES, BUT I DGAF... I want what I want, and that's it.. WHYYYYY would I order and BE EXPECTED TO PAY AMERICAN CURRENCY for food I don't want!?!? I seriously don't get it, to the point where I just want to slap all parties involved... ____ called me earlier on lunch when she was pulling up to Taco Bell, and def said that she would flip the fuck out if her food is wrong...

HELLO, MS CONTRADICTION 2007, THAT'S THE SAME FUCKING THING I AM IRRITATED ABOUT, SO WHY DO YOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU GET TO COMPLAIN, BUT I'M SUPPOSED TO EAT IT???

OH NO WAIT, LEMME SEE.. "IS IT THAT BIG OF A DEAL???" "IF YOU KNOW IT COULD COME OUT WRONG, WHY WOULD YOU ORDER IT???"

ISN'T THAT WHAT YOU SAY TO ME!?!?!? EAT IT AND STFU THEN, LMFAO...

I love her, seriously, but that shit is maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad annoying.

Can't you tell?? It's not even just her, STEVO does it, along w/ pretty much everyone else, but only the two of them feel the need to say the same thing every fucking time.. Morgan feels me knockin, so I'ma let her in.. She will have a response to this, I bet.. She watches as the anger bubbles w/ every passing word/excuse...

OMFG, I am so irritated right now, lmmfao...

BASICALLY, THIS IS WHAT I WANT......

1. FOR NO ONE TO EVER EVER EVERRRRRRR SAY ANYTHING TO ME/THE SERVER/ANYONE ELSE WE'RE W/ ABOUT HOW AND WHAT I'M ASKING FOR.

2. FOR NO ONE TO EVER EVER EVERRRRRRR SAY ANYTHING TO ME/THE SERVER/ANYONE ELSE WE'RE W/ ABOUT MY COMPLAINTS IF AND WHEN MY FOOD IS FUCKED UP.

3. FOR YOU ALL TO REALIZE THAT LIKE I SAID, I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING HEAR ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE/WHERE YOU USED TO COOK/ETC, B/C IT HAS NOOOOOOOOOOOTHING TO DO W/ THE POINT I AM MAKING, WHIIIIIIIIIICH BRINGS ME TO NUMBER 4, A B/T TWO FRIENDS I RECENTLY WITNESSED...

4. FOR YOU ALL TO REALIZE THAT NOOOOOTHIIIIIIIING IN LIFE IS MORE ANNOYING THAN WHEN IIIIIIIII AM ARGUING A POINT, AND SOMEONE ELSE ARGUES BACK W/ A POINT THAT ISN'T THE FUCKING POINT.

You sound stupid as FUCK for the entire convo, for one, and secondly, IF THAT'S NOT WHAT IIIIIIII AM SAYING, THEN STFU. Nothing else matters until my point is heard and understood, esssssp not in MY own eyes. I could gaf less what you're trying to convey until you get the ORIGINAL POINT, and if you don't, SAY IT, don't stand there like an idiot repeatedly yelling about the color blue when I'm WATCHING The Color Purple...

It's not TOMATO/TO-MA-TO, IT'S STFU B/C I AM RIGHT AND YOU ARE WRONG, END OF STORY/SENTENCE/LIFE/PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERIOD.



Still one of the best clips EVER.

I am the black Rosie O'Donnell.

SHUT UP, TJ, don't say a word!



PS, that little clip is for you, ____. Just to show that I love you oh-so-much, and it's really not JUST you.. Just sometimes, lol. ♥

Ugh, I need my Braves slipper socks...

Cuz it's cold as a BITCH out this mafaka...

BUT OMFG WHO CARES, I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE W/ RIIIIIIIIIIIIIICOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

How awesome is that!??! I told him how we all miss him etc etc.. He's in goddamn OHIO, where it's 15 degrees.. Have fun w/ that one.. He just wrote Lauren's number down in some damn snow.. Bitch please.. Lauren, I love you, but fuck all that.. I could never forget your number anyways... I've dialed it more than ANY other number in the past 4 years.. Probably combined while you bullshit.. Or texted it.. DEF got that on lock.. We stay chit chattin, lol.. And tonight we're doing the lights @ Botanical Gardens, then returning to Kim's (house/pet-sitting) to watch Xmas shit.. Family time, per usual.. We do this every year! We're supposed to bake @ Gmas here soon.. And of course, we'll go to her Mas and do the same thing.. Tradition, baby!

Oh, and I think I'm gonna ask Kim if I can write the book here.. I need a constant place to write w/ a clear head, and this would be perfect.. We'll see how that goes.. I'm sure she'll say yes! I hope so!

K, I had a lot to say but it's too cold in this room for me to remember any of it, so I'm out..

PPPPPPSSSSSSS ty Morgan for the 49ers PJs you're making for me.. I can't wait to rock'em w/ the fully non-matching slipper socks.. IF my ma finds them.. When she moved she packed them away and has no idea where.. @ least they're together tho, b/c I haven't even worn them yet..

Ohh, maybe this isn't ending... Celina and Chris (MA) called me last night!! Drunk as fuck, btw.. That was awesome.. Such a random delight... There's only a few reasons to ever miss MA, and they are apart of it.. I wouldn't move back, but I def want to visit.. Morgan wants to drive up to NE so I guess it can go down then.. I just hope it's in the spring, cuz fuck a buncha that bullshit.. Althooooooooo I guess you're not getting the full essence w/o the snow and shit.. I don't think I've ever visited my Gma (CT) w/o it being cold as FUCK.. It's usually a Thanksgiving thing, so I know it was always cold lol..

Aaaaaaaand now I feel awfully chatty... I'm hungry as a bitch and this ugly ass cat keeps tryna buck on my food.. I'll make gloves out of you, nigga! Ugly ones, but gloves nonetheless...

BRRRRRRRRRRATTTTTT!

Ooooooooohhhhhh so I deffffffff def need to stop playin' and get those videos on my phone online.. It's killing me.. I really want to make a random ass movie w/ all that stufffffffffffffuuuuuuuucccccckkkkkkk yes and then put it on a disc.. I don't care how random it is.. I also need to erase all the pics on my phone, or @ least the ones I already uploaded.. I thought I did, but.. Hm, lemme check.. Nope.. So I need to put my card in @ my Mas and take the ones I haven't yet off, and then just wipe the whole pic slot clean.. There's def like 350 on here now, if not more.. I stay takin' pics of random shit, just like I used to when I was buckin' on all them single-use cameras bitd...

Raaaaaaaawwwwwwwwrrrrrrrrrr, btw b/c 311 is coming in March.. I want to go.. Last year was so fun! It's all the way in Richmond tho, so I dunno how that's gonna go down.. Not only that, but I pretty much gave up on making anything in my life concrete b/c the shit changes up so drastically, it's unreal. HOPEFULLY I can go, all I'ma say.. If I make it certain, someone will see fit to change that, soooo.. I'll just play it safe...

Uhh, ok I'm really hungry/cold, so I'm gonna end it for real this time.. I'll prob be back on later, after I watch Half Nelson (mmm) soooooooooo yeah.. Later, bitches!

This isn't the blog I want it to be, but...

I'm not too worried about it. I really just wanted to say that the book is coming along, and there's more of a set format now, soooo...

I do believe that elevation of the mind will help me finish faster... It's not NEARLY done, I've got soooo much to say, lol.. But like I said, it's coming along..

So apparently I'm writing reviews now...

Brandi called me in the middle of the night (which I missed) to tell me that there's a review in the Sub Noize mag that I wrote.. I remember writing it, I just forgot allll about it afterwards.. That's awesome..

Not that it's the first I've written.. I was dabbling in review writing a few years ago, lol. Last two were Hanson and KMK, when their albums came out on the same day..

Maybe that's what I should do.. Critique shit, since I've got oh-so-much to say about everything, lol..

I need to scan that review.. Aw.. I'm so gay!

As many of them damn mags I've held/passed out, I def don't recall seeing that. Prob b/c I only skimmed the most recent one...

Hm, guess I should pay more attention...

I want to find my soulmate...

Problem is, I really don't see this happening...

Everyone I know has their ideal soulmate, that person that fully completes them, etc etc. In fact, some of you are soulmate-swapping, but that's ok. There's someone for everyone, even if that someone is all one person, lol.

I got nothin' but looooove 'fo ya, baby...

But anyway, back to my point... I really truly don't see it happening. Am I that scorned, to where I can't even imagine having someone to bleed it out w/??

When I listen to music, MY music, I can't imagine who else I'd listen to it w/.. There's a difference b/t listening to music w/ someone, and listening to music w/ someone w/ nearby.

I want someone to hit repeat for me. That's my ideal person. You want to hear the same song just as bad as I do, w/ the same fervent desire to hear it over and over... I'll never find that person tho..... C'mon now, we allllll know what specific band my significant other would HAVE to love, or never be near me when I'm listening to them. I don't even like listening to Silverchair w/ other people around b/c I feel like I'm just wandering thru the music while you sit quietly nearby, perched on thoughts of anything else but the current situation.

You always hear people say that they want someone to share their ideals w/, but I HIGHLY doubt that motherfucker is walking into my life ANY time soon. I can barely keep my friends around w/ all of my opinions on things, what makes me think I won't be that same apparently intolerable dickhead to *you*?? That last part just makes me want to rant about the idiots I constantly deal w/, but the song remains the same, and my ears are ringing due to overkill. Sooooo, I'll just let that one go..

But uhhh... Yeah, like I said.. I would love to find someone to balance me out, but how can something so unbalanced have balance?? Wouldn't I need a few months (years) of therapy first?? I'm clearly off my rocker, and I don't want to bring someone else into the madness, lol.

Blah, blah, w/e... That was my stab @ being all introspective about anything remotely close to romantic.

Fuck you all still for being the same predictable, most drama-filled bitches I've ever had the displeasure to know, btw... Just thought I'd take the only road I've never traveled, see how it panned out, etc......

When I grow up, I want to be just like.....

Swear 'fo GOD, that nigga is just too ill. Just watch the video.. Look how UTTERLY EFFORTLESS it looks, esp for Jay.. Mariah? Chillin.. Nas? Chillin.. Diddy? Chillin..

It's coming..........

If for no other reason than to have my own efforts considered "utterly effortless".. What's awesome about that is the thing I'm instantly lauded for, the wit/quickness, most definitely comes w/ zero effort. LOL, maybe I SHOULD do stand-up, and I won't write my material down, just to complete the full circle, lol. If I can just get up there and talk, I'll be fine.

I ♥ motivation, esp when it has NOTHING to do w/ what I'M doing. But I AM a cool ass bitch, swayin' thru circles a warm summer breeze.. Oh, yes.

Like I said before, I have a lot of friends that are the shit, but not many have the essence/appeal for that type of thing.. It is, or it isn't.

And it is...... MY TURN!

"Oh, what a feelin', I'm feelin' life...."

Lie, Steal, Cheat, Love [pretty much a blog]

Lie, Steal, Cheat, Love
Body: ***L*I*E***

How often do you lie? Oh, GOD........... Not as much as you would think.. Some people just don't deserve the truth. Esp people who don't take the truth for what it is and just run w/ it. Tsk, tsk. A damn shame..

Are you a good lier? Is this a survey?

Do you get away with it? Depends.. Haha.. They'll figure it out before I'm done..

What is the worst (horrible) lie you have ever told? I don't know.

What is the worst (stupid) lie you have ever told? "I wasn't smoking!"

Are white lies okay? They're fucking perfect.

What is the last white lie you told? I hate drama, lol. I must fucking LOVE it... I def love it when THAT happens.. Mm, Shay.. I wish we had Walkie-Talkies..

Did you lie a lot when you were younger? To my parents? No.. Well, to my dad mostly. He never wanted me outside, or roughin' around w/ the boys, etc.. Ha.. And for damn good reason..

About what? Stupid shit, like why I didn't come inside when it started raining.. Did I break into that house?? What was I doing riding bikes all thru OV??? LOL.. Stooooooopid shit.. What did it matter!? Now I don't even talk to your fuckin' ass.. 'Cept but ONCE this damn year.. Love you too, nigga... Mafaka thought I lived in TEXAS.. WTF...

Did you fool your parents? Sure did.. I fooled them into thinking I was sane, apparently.

Have you ever been caught in a lie? Ohhh, boy.. Don't even get me started.. ALWAYS w/ my Ma, the dumbest shit.. That's why I don't even bother now.. It's so retarded.. Now w/ friends, haha.. Nigga, you knew when I said "No." LMMFAO.. I'll get to THAT in the blog soon to follow..

What was it all about? Her.

Do you have a guilty conscious? Nope.. You can't tell the truth sometimes. Not during that moment, anyway. It's a tightrope act.

How can someone tell when you are lying? we are one in the same, that is how they tell <----- TRUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEEEST OF ALL STORIES.... A-MOTHERFUCKIN-MEN.. I hear ya, bitch...

***C*H*E*A*T***


Do you cheat on tests? Ha, I don't even remember.. Prob not.. I just knew w/e I put down.. The math part of the test I took to end my lovely stay @ Job Corps, I stg I was bluffing in my head.. I went w/ what I felt like was right, and got like one of the highest scores in however long they told me it was..

Have you ever been caught cheating on a test? No..

Have you ever caught someone else cheating on a test? Hell yeah.. In BOARD GAMES, too..

Have you ever cheated on a bf or gf? Hm........

Have you ever been caught cheating on your bf or gf? Aaaaaaaaand that brings me toooooo.........

Would you ever cheat on your current bf or gf? What sucks is I'm not NOT answering these b/c I don't want to, it's b/c I am DYING to get the OTHER shit outta my head. Main reason I'm replying to this.. Talk about 'reply to sender'..

Would you ever cheat on them with some famous model/actor/actress? YA GODDAMN RIGHT and I can't wait to see LAUREN'S reaction to that ?... Haha, ya'll bitches know that's the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. OMFG I just thought of ______________________. YESSSSSSSSSS.

Even if you were completely sure you would never be caught? I don't give a FUUUUUUCK, I'll let you know, bitch.. Let Ryan Reynolds pop up.. BITCH, I'm out!

Have you ever been cheated on? I wouldn't gaf if I could just turn around w/ RR...

***S*T*E*A*L***

Have you ever stolen before? Haha, bitd I was mad klepto.. Stupid shit.. Single-use cameras from 7-11.. Magazines (that's why I HAD so many boy band/heartthrob pics), dumb shit like that.. Some people just can't help themselves tho... Some damn people..

If so what? I just told you.. DEF bucked on some spray that I gave to my sister's stickgirl tho.. From that wack ass party, matter'fact..

Do you think stealing is a serious crime? Obv it is, but niggas do dumb shit anyway...

What would you do if you caught someone stealing from you? HAHA, I dunno, let's find out.. If I re-arranged "The List" we could... *smirk*

Have you ever stolen someones heart? I want to steal it, and stomp on it. FUCK.

What was the last thing you stole? I got away w/ words......

Ever had anything stolen from you? Yes ma'am, I sure have...

If so, what? something very dear to me <--- That, amongst other things. Someone stole my ability to feel here recently.

What is one thing that you would steal if you could get away with it with NO consequences? Someone's life.

***L*O*V*E***

Are you currently in Love? W/ an obsession.

If so, with who? and you want to know this why? That person knows and that is the only person that needs to know. <---- Does that apply if you're in love w/ yourself??

When was the last time you were in love? I'm always in love w/ something......

How long does it take you to fall in love? Not long, it just takes forever for me to let you know..

How many times have you really been in love? Don't make me throw up...

Do you think there were times you thought you were in love when you werent? Aaaaand they caaaaalled it... Puppy loooooooooove...

How fast do you tell a significant other that you love them? You shouldn't. Don't ever do it again, lol.

How often do you tell your parents you love them? Almost everytime we speak.. Unless I'm pissed, and even then it's hopefully calmed to the point where I can say that..

How often do you tell your bf or gf? N/A.. Don't do it either way. It doesn't matter. If they're going to hurt you, it'll be reguardless.

Do you tell your friends? Ha, nah.. Well, depends..

Have you ever said I love you and not meant it? Sure have.

Have you ever said I love you but Im not in Love with you? That's so lame.. I've said it ABOUT someone tho..

Are you a slave to love? No, but that ol' slave mentality could kick in @ any moment! ;)

Do you love yourself? "Self-confidence can reach the point of grandiose delusion" Haha...

What is the best thing about Love? knowing that soul mates are for real and forever, that the one person that completes you is right there, you can feel their every mood, you can sit in silence and not have the radio on, the warmth that flows through you when you touch, the emptiness you feel when they aren't around, knowing that in the end nothing can touch your love for each other. <---- Does this apply for friendship??? Cuz damn... Some of ya'll got me in a bind behind being soulmates.. And THAT is true fuckin' story...

Ha, fuck another blog.. I'll save it for a fresh mind.. I'm tired..

FIN.

PS Amanda, this is the greatest quiz of all time...... currently.

Ya know, if I stopped blogging...

I'd PROBABLY get a book out in like 2 weeks.. Like I said, it'll be blog-style so all I'm gonna be doing is turning a gigantic series of blogs into a book.. No reader that hadn't previously read my blogs would get it if I did it any other way.. I don't want a memoir, I just want mass publication, lol. I fully plan on having a spot @ the end of the chapters w/ a song listed, or even a video you should watch.. I don't think I would even care about writing a book if I had like a million readers..

Maybe that should be the kick-start. Get more people to read my blogs, and then go from there. See what happenssssssssiiiiiiiiiike I still want a book, lmfao.. But I think I'm gonna change the title. I know I am, actually, b/c I want the original title to be a main chapter.. I dunno, I'm torn.. Eventually you'll all find out. And I swearrrrrr, if it IS a book and not just the blog, you better buy one for everyone you know, even if they bought YOU one..

Basically, make me rich.

Btw, the reason I'm torn hinges on one topic that I REALLY want to blog about oh-so-bad, but I want the opinion of the masses on that one, and I don't want to cheapen the experience by blogging it and THEN writing about it, even tho there's a million things that could've gone in the book had I not already went into blogger-land.

Grr..

I need to clean the kitchen, so I'm just gonna leave now.. Let me find a video, then I'm out.. Maybe I'll use the ringer I've been hearing for two days straight now, thanks to the proprietor of my Myspace name..

Got Love!

I've got PLENTY of love for the pics of Brandi and I, that's for sure.

Another blog turned hostile. Awesome.

Life hasn't really changed too much since my last blog.. CRAZY times, esp last night w/ everyone high outta their minds.. We "partied" for awhile @ Gmas, then a bunch of us went to Rick's Cafe @ like 2:40am lol.. Didn't leave til after 4, partially b/c the food took weeks.. Our fault tho, b/c there was def meeeee, Morgan, Lauren, Jessica, Brent, Rob, and Pat to cook for.. No idea what Brent, Rob, or Pat ordered, but my shit was simple as hell. MINUS the eggs which are apparently IMPOSSIBLE TO GET MADE RIGHT ANYWHERE...

CHEESE EGGS. SCRAMBLED. SOFT. FLUFFY.

NO ONE CAN DO IT THO... WTFFFFF... I think I'm the only person who makes eggs the way I like them.. I should start making eggs before I leave to eat breakfast @ a restaurant.. I just want my order right! And then, just like her BROTHER, each and EVERY TIME I gotta hear LAUREN pipe in about how it's not their fault etc etc, as if I ever ever everrrrrr asked for her thoughts on the matter, lmfao. They are my eggs, I know how I want them, I DGAF how many years you've worked w/ food (to EVERYONE who tells me about their old jobs etc) unless YOU are going to cook my eggs, ok? Awesome thanks lol. Don't tell me not to order eggs, tell THEM to get them right. If I was standing next to them, they'd get it right. I'm not gonna become a cook just to get good eggs once in awhile..

I love how EVERYONE makes me listen to them bitch over what is usually the pettiest shit, but everytime I want to, I get treated like I'm just being an asshole. I'm about over all that, fa shooooooo...

Esp when it's usually people who say they will tell anyone anything blah blah I'm so hard... WEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLL NOT MANY OF YOU ARE SHOW & PROVING, SOOOOO......

Oh, well. I've got a bunch of pussyfooters.. It's my burden, I love them, w/e...

AW, and now someone's mad @ me b/c they have the comprehension level of a 12 year old...

NOT MY FAULT.

Bwahaha, I'm not NEARLY the asshole I could be, and I still get bitched @.. Grow some fuckin' balls, people.. Act like we're older than 18.. Well, MUCH older.. Haha. Everyone gets so pissy w/ me.. WELL, it's JUST as annoying to not be understood as it is to never understand.. Sorry I'm frustrated, guys/girls, but some of you are just tooooooooooooo stupid @ times.. And then, when I'm arguing my point........ JUST LISTEN, I WILL HELP YOU UNDERSTAND.. But NO, you gotta get butthurt b/c I'm "being a dick", and completely miss the point..

DJGHLJDSHLJBSDGSD OMFG TJ YOU'RE RIGHT... SO RIGHT.... I need to ration out my days.. Only certain amounts of time can be doled out to people who always take offense, or feel slighted by the dumbest things... It's killing me, and not even slowly anymore.. It's a rapid decline.

How many times in the past year alone have I had to make blogs like this..... CAN NO ONE TELL HOW MUCH THEY ARE ANNOYING ME!?!? I'M SO OBVIOUS WHEN I'M ANNOYED, OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES! WHO STILL THINKS THEIR DRAMA/STUPIDITY IS SOMETHING I GAF ABOUT??? LET MEEEEEE KNOW, ACTUALLY I WILL LET YOOOOUUUUUU KNOW...

Oh no wait.. I've BEEN doing that, but it still makes it's way back...

Haha.. Speaking of which, I bought Rebecca a button that says "I ♥ Recycling".. HOOOOOOW awesome is that!?!? I keep forgetting to give it to her.. Doubt she'll think it's funny, but oh well. Not many people are gonna find this blog funny, either, but OH WELL. I'm irritated right now, and this is the only way I can talk and be LISTENED TO W/O INTERRUPTION, sooooooo...

AAAAAAAAAAND THAT TAKES US TO THE NEXT CHAPTER, STUDENTS...

STOP. TELLING. ME. WHAT. TO. BLOG. ABOUT. If your name got mentioned OH FUCKING WELL, guess you shouldn't have gotten on my nerves, hm??? Lots of people don't like what I've had to say about them, but @ least I'm fucking saying it, instead of waiting and WHISPERING.... If you have something to say about this, fuck you in advance... Ha.. What a crock.. DGAF...

I think NOT.

Two people have recently griped to me about the "their personal business being on Myspace", and to that I say IF IT INVOLVED ME, I GUESS THAT MAKES IT OOOOOOOUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRR PERSONAL BUSINESS, MEANING I HAVE THE RIGHT TO BITCH ABOUT IT IN ANY MANNER I CHOOSE TO. Each and every fucking one of you call and text me out the ass to tell me about all sorts of goddamn drama.. What do you expect from me?? When I talk, you don't listen. The blog never turns a deaf ear to me, sooooooo...

All dumb bitches and stupid cunts will continue to be called out until IIIIIII feel satisfied, and if you don't like it, happiness is only ONE CLICK AWAY...

Do what you gotta do. I am, for the sake of my FUCKING SANITY. If you hate the blogs, you'll REALLY hate the book.

*deep sigh*

Man... Basically, what I'm saying is... And by saying, I mean NO ONE IS EXCLUDED........

YOU CANNOT STOP ME. I am not physically afraid of ANY of you. A-N-Y. If you can't beat me, you can't STOP me. CLOSE FRIENDS, BESTIES, WHOEVER... Don't think b/c I treat you diff, I'm afraid of you. If any of the people I have in my head right now came @ me, I would beat their fucking ass. If you can't have that same thought about me, STOP thinking you're fucking hard, or that I do, b/c I really don't.

There will come a time when I REALLY dgaf and just haul off and hit you. You really don't want it to come to that, or end on such a sour note, so I suggest you stfu. My phone and head ring 24/7 over some bullshit. I am not you, YOU gaf too much. Keep in mind when you start texting me that by YOU, I mean ALL of you, like I said. That way, no one can take it personal this time. This goes out to ANYONE who feels that lil pang of guilt/panic/wondering if I'm talking about them.

YES, YES I AM.

I feel so much better now.. Those last two paragraphs are basically the main problem right now. TOO MANY PEOPLE for some reason think that I would never hit them. This is not true, not true @ all. A few of you are cutting it close. I can't tell you not to mistake my kindness for weakness, b/c a lot of you have been ABUSING my kindness, hoping that it'll save you from being cussed out, or HIT, or anything else.

Time to put the kabash on that one.

For good.

Ta-daaaaaaaa!

Siiiiiike, nothing to see here. Not YET.

But video blogs are coming soon! Not on the regular, can't promise that b/c I'm switching phones and I don't know if this one will have an SD slot like the one I currently have. If I get either of the ones I want tho, it will. I do however have like 15 videos to share haha.. A lot of them are from the first of two KMK shows we went two last week. Got loooots of footage of all the acts, and some random other shit.. The most important one of all had nothing to do w/ a concert. It's just some real ass convo b/t me, Lauren, and Brandi. Some of you, well... I will probably title it 'More To Hate', haha. Speaking of which, Iiiiii am SO glad that B and Dirt had longer sets.. Just had to throw THAT out there..

But uhh, yeah.. I kick-started the Cuntastic Voyage by calling out a dear MALE friend of mind, and it just went from there.. I love it tho b/c it's a real convo, and anyone who gets mad, well that's b/c you're fake and are pretending that you don't have those same types of chats w/ your best friends.. If you don't, then you must have some stale ass conversations lol.

GOD, I want to post that video SOOOOOO bad, and right now, but it's not uploaded yet. THAT bitch is going on YouTube. Like, STAT. ASAP. W/ the mowfuckin' quickness.. It's funny as a bitch, esp if you know us/me. My new quote and soon-to-be favorite new Myspace name is from me, lol. It fully embodies how I feel about pretty much anyone who hates me/hates on me.. Brandi's dying for me to upload it.. She was like, "Erase my entire page, I dgaf.. Just put that on there!" haha.. AWESOME.

Just you wait... and wait... and see..

DSJGHJSHGNLKSNDGJLKSLGNG IIIIIIIIIIII WANT IT OOOONLIIIIIIIIIINE...

Btw, Ted Jan.. I'm REALLY in need of some of that movitation we talked about.. :(

I'm not winning the battle, or even putting up much of a fight.. Help meeee, lol.



PS I def have some new pics, just a few, but I reeeeally don't want to post them until I get copies of the ones Brandi and I took (or had taken) in PA/MD.. Ntm, this comp is mad slow so maybe I'll just do them toooooomorrooooooow...

W/e, I just want to lay down and relax.. Just took me some meds and I feel the need to mellow.. Not like, get high mellow, just... MELLOOOOOOOWWWWWWW...

Like I was saying...

There's a bunch of random shit that I was thinking about last night.. One is the fact that I hope it's not just the schizophrenia.. I sure hope someone's getting this.. My life is so random, so ... WHATEVER it is, I sure hope SOMEONE'S getting this.. Big Brother, let me get a copy of that on dvd.. Tell Mr. President I'd much appreciate that, thanks..

And @ the same time, I sure hope someone's getting this... This, THIS!

Me. Do ya get me, sweetheart? Cuz I don't think you do. But @ the same time, I almost don't want you to. To get me means I'd have to give you me, and I clearly don't want to do that. Not all the way, cuz even tho you'd understand IT, you still wouldn't understand ME. And that makes no sense, but it does when you're me, lol. There are certain things about me that make everything else (sorta) make sense, but not in the way you're thinking. It won't be one of those quick lil "Ahh, I get it" moments.. You'll take what I give you, think about that, and then a bunch of OTHER shit will start coming to mind, and I'll have to explain THAT, and it'll be a dominoe effect over and over again.

Maybe it's better to just not know. However, I'd love to know what life is like as someone else. ANYONE else. What if it's just the paranoia, and I'm not the only one thinking about these kind of things, I'm just the only one struggling to find a way to express it. I highly doubt that tho, b/c I can tell w/o a doubt that out of my immediate friends, I am. It's my head, my thoughts.. My issues.. But I want to share them w/ someone who gets it...... I could blog about it all day long, but the end result of that is just like I said, a bunch of goddamn questions, and we alllllll know how I feel about Q-U-E-S-T-I-O-N-S...

A few years back, when my head was full of pressuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrreeeee (oooh, SC!), I wrote this random ass open letter and sent it to Jen, Ali, and Maudi.. I wish I had it still. It was on my comp in the storage shed. That was prob the scariest thing I ever opened up about, and I'm @ peace w/ the three people I sent it to. Altho I'd send it to TJ if that were an option. Probably to Morgan too, b/c we have some intense ass convos, and I have faith in the fact that she would take what I said into consideration, wholly and seperately, w/e she had to do to feel what I'm saying..

I'm basically not ready to say "Yeah, well I've spent a lifetime dealing w/ ______ _______, something you wouldn't even understand even if I explained to you all of the effects, etc. I don't think anyone's ever studied me like I have them, but if you ever choose to, I A. will notice you but B. won't hide the things that make it blatant.

*sigh, sigh*

Lauren's tales of her uncle's dementia make me wonder/worry. I already said that I am fully aware of the dementia to come, but what about the shit I'm already dealing w/?? I guess Lauren in all of her blonde glory/stupor will end up being the one who gets it, haha.. I mean, I'm not seeing kangaroos or anything like that, don't get it twisted lol..

I'm afraid to look over my shoulder.. Seeing nothing is worse than seeing everything.

Voila, that's it! Seeing nothing is worse than seeing everything. I can see nothing and feel everything, but it's the gift and the curse b/c while it helped me become who I am, it also helped me become who I am.. So many meanings... It's impossible to undo any of it, and as the years go by, I just get more and more comfortable/frightened about the remaining years to come. I think I can handle it, I just need someone to talk to. Before my 25th, I was contemplating going to a psych ward and admitting myself for like a week. I was gonna do it on my bday until the Silverchair show came about. I should've stuck w/ my original plan. Now I'm considering New Years.. I'll go there and talk my pretty big head off, feel ten times better, and maybe walk out w/ some kind of peaceful resolution w/ thy self.

My ear itches.. Does that mean someone's listening? Could it mean someone's HEARING me??

My happy/sad little/big bi-polar ass isn't quite sure.



I've been waiting for far too long
Let's stick together
Coz you're keeping me warm but it's a lonely setting sun

I wait so long now my head is full of pressure
I need time to cure my mind
It's like a loop that lasts forever

--

Oh, Daniel. I'm so glad you exist! I thought that's how I felt about a singular person, but it's kinda just how I feel about me and the bi-polar shit, etc. I want help, but I don't want it to end. I just want to unload. I've discovered more about myself this week alone than most people will their entire lives. And when they do, it'll be too late. Like the song says, I need time to cure my mind, it's like a loop that lasts forever...

I want a new loop only slightly intermingled w/ the old.

Sooooooooooo, last night was interesting..

But only in my mind.. How does that work out? Not really, but the parts that were most intruiging to me were my own thoughts.. And those thoughts all had so many meanings.. I just want the words 'So Many Meanings' on me somewhere now.. I decided that I love the deeper level. And maybe I get mad @ people b/c they aren't seeing it the way I see it.. Life in general... As a whole.. As a... MATTER OF FACT, LET ME DIGRESS REAL QUICK...

MOST DEF saw "the culprit" yesterday, but she was in her whip and wasn't getting out.. I look @ her and I'm like, "I got some words for you.. Mhm, some motherfuckin' words.."

"Ok I'll call you in a little bit and we can talk."

"Nahhh, don't call me..! You got my number, we could've been talked.. You're a Fave.. We havin' this face to face.. We bout to CHAT about some thangs..."

Unlike most people, I don't need to text you to tell you how I feel. I'm not gonna hang up the phone then text you, or anything else childish like that.. I want to tell you yourself that I'm mad, and why. Me blogging doesn't count, @ least not to me b/c I would write this the same way if I was the only one that I knew that read it.. It's the same way I converse (when I'm around smart people) so it's no dif.. These are the things I WOULD say around some of you but you're not deep enough to carry on the conversation past the point of what I said, and your response which is usually lacking anything I wanted to take from the convo.. So I'm just giving you my metal gems for nothing...?

That is a prooooooobleeeeeeemmmmmmm...

My, how this blog twisted itself around.. Must be something ON THE SURFACE I'm having an issue w/.. The way I typed it is the way it all came to me, so...

I'll give the original topic the floor now..

I had a blast @ Gmas, lol.

Muchos.. Amber and Clutch stopped by.. We watched Superbad, well most of it.. They left an hour into it b/c they were mad tired.. Earlier in the day, we were all up @ Phat Nastyz along w/ Stacy who didn't want to come hang out, apparently.

Hm.. I have a very bad taste in my mouth right now.. A sneaking suspicion that I'm still not done w/ my digressing.. I want to unload via blog right now, but something isn't right yet... The format is all wrong...?

WTF is it.. I feel very off. It's b/c I'm not talking about all that I want to, but I don't feel like starting another blog.. I'll draft the beg of one and leave it @ that.. If I end up posting it, great.. If not, as long as I got it out.. It can wait..

So I guess I'll end it on this..



PS, I'm not done w/ that life in general part, but I'll just wait for that next blog..

Ohhh... FUNNY how QUICK the plot thickens...

As SOON as I post that shit, I get a call from someone telling me that you're fucking THEM over as well.. And they're in a car, w/ NO clue about what I just said..

KEEP FUCKIN' PLAYIN, cuz you're in MY sandbox.. I'll bury your ass so fuckin' quick..

"Aaaaaaand Iiiiiiiiii aaaaaaaammmm teeeeellin' YOOOOOOOOUUUU..."

That it'll be more than a BURN next time....

You better talk faster than I swing, bitch.

Bitch, don't you NEVER EVER EVER...

think you're gonna just get one up on me...

You think you can just SWIRL your happy fuckin' ass around, wrecking shit left and right until it's the way YOU WANT IT, and then just *POOF!* be gone on a bitch???

Fuuuuuuuck you. Fuck your new friends, fuck your new life, which is really mine, just reduced, re-used, and re-FUCKING-cycled.

I'm twice as nice, but second to NONE. Fuck w/ that.

If you thought it was gonna be cool to drop bombs all over the place, but then leave ME to clean up the mess, you've fuckin' lost it..

I'll cut you nice and deep long before that shit ever sticks.....

God bless the pencil.. The name on top of the list changes once a fuckin' week, I swear. I'll see you before you see me. Count on it.



Rebecca Bush doesn't care about black people.

Well motherfuckin' well...

What a random ass day today was... It kiiiiinda began w/ the hilarity of a high Sean watching Superbad w/ me @ Scotty's.. We were all weak as a bitch, per usual.. Etc etc blah blah went home, got up.. Went to Lynnhaven w/ Angel and basically the whole damn family.. We end up parking randomly next to Sean's Mustang.. I only realized it was b/c of the necklace on the rearview that I'd just been fingering (sshh!) a few hours earlier.. QUITE a few actually b/c I was def in bed by like 4am, and this was around 3pm sooooooo.. Either way, THE ORACLE LIVES!

ANd so does SUNNY, who did a LOVELY job making my Ma happy b/c her store had 23 phones out by the time I ran into her, good lawdy! Worrrrrrd up, SUNshine.. What it dooooo lol..

AHHH.. Obv, got up w/ Sean and Scotty, btw.. After ^, and then randomly during the trek.. I also ran into LYZETTE who I ONLY see @ random. There hasn't been a planned meeting b/t us in like 2 years, lol. Somehow it works out tho, b/c we run into each other eeeeeverywhere.. Aw, my Lil One.. Always workin' some random job..

Hm, I also saw AJ and his wife, and a few other random (word of the day) people.. Spent quite a bit of time in there, even tho I was on FIRE in every store. Apparently Lynnhaven thinks heat makes a nigga want to shop, b/c the bitch was on ROTISSERIE in every store. Thank GOD the actually walk-around shit was cool, or I would've stayed in the fuckin' truck. Damn all that.. I had on a hoodie, a doobie wrap, AND a beanie.. Fuck w/ me, I'm over being all sickly.

At least I THOUGHT I was, until I went to the fuckin' Joe Camel Cigarette Soiree '07 - AKA some RANDOM ass party in Aragona.. I felt like the Mother Hen after some drunk ass bitch tried to tell us on the way out to be careful, etc, b/c she's only 18 and going to ASAP. A, I know mad young people who have, B, who the FUCK are you again!??! Ask me how weak I was when some Lil Miss Muffet bitch tried to tell everyone to STFU.. I was like, "REALLY, SHOW ME ONE PERSON IN THIS BITCH THAT CAN SHUT ME UP..."

Aaaaand there you have it, folks. I was still a loud bitch.. Not really a BITCH, cuz I was drinkin' and feelin' like a funny bitch.. I was LOOOOOOSIN' ITTTTTTT over some fuckin' 40 year old dude there that was JAMMIN'... AAAAAAAAAASSSSSKKKKKK MMMMEEEEEE how fucking WEAK Shay and I were when he fell in the kitchen!?!? Ashley, too.. AND THENNNNNN this bitch who was making fun of him, SHE just straight dropped to the ground in a SPLIT.. I fucking LOST IT right along w/ Shay.. OMFG..

"We got a goddamn Pussycat Doll in this mafaka.. Tighten up your buttons, bitch!"

LMMMMMMFAO.. I was talkin' all sorts of weak shit in front of her.. Not even to be a dick, but b/c it was SOOO fucking funny. Like, the bitch was DEAD in the middle of a sentence and she just hit the fuckin' splits.. This bitch tryna BRING IT ON, when it's already been BROUGHTEN.. Oh wow.. I wish to GOD ya'll could see how she just immediately hit the ground, and had THE most bewildered look on her face possible, like SHE was more shocked than we were.. And theeeennnnn.. Htf you just gon' do some shit like that, and expect us to think you're sober!?!? Sheeeeeeeiiiittt...

Oh, oh oh oh... Some other shit just got me irritated as FUCK, so ONCE AGAIN, I must end this abrupt as fuck...

THIS bitch.........

Happy Thanksgiving...!

But honesty, fuck the lot of you, lol.

There is SOOOOOOOO MUCH I want to blog about right now.. You couldn't possibly understand.. BUT, now is not the time.. I've got some places to go, and people to see.. AS USUAL..

I will share this tho.. MOOOOOOOOOOOOST DEEEEEEEFFFFFFF ENJOYED THE FUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK out of the two KMK/Big B/Dirtball shows Brandi and I recently traveled to..

Hooooooly SHIT. First of all, I ♥ THE PISS OUT OF MY EXTENDED FAMILY... And the local ones, too! Heather and Julie drove up to the MD show, which made it that much more awesome.. Picasso was there.. Mad people..

But I can't get into all that b/c I don't have time!

DLSJGHLJSDHGLKDSHGL AUUUUUUUUUUGH!

I CANNOT wait to upload the pics, and show an interesting comparison that I realized a day late.. Haha.. B, you're a funny dude..

AAAAAAAND SO AM I...

"___ __, ___!" "Funny, that's what I put on my Christmas list!"

__________________________________

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I can't even think right now, that's how fast my brain is working.. Nutty..

And there's most def a Silverchair blog coming up here soon b/c I've just recently been lauded w/ all sorts of worldly revelations and I pretty much HAVE to blog to keep my sanity.. My sinuses are all fucked up, and I SWEAR it's b/c I can't blog..

BUUUUUUT I'll get to that @ another time.. OMFG. My life is just...

OMFG.. SO I FUCKING FIIIIIIIIIINALLY RAN INTO SHERRITA.. And @ Wal-Mart of all places, the one on Military.. AND she saw ME first.. I fliiiiipped the fuck out instantly, which I expected to do.. I musT muST mUST MUST ask her for any and every pic we ever took so I can make copies.. I hope she still has that shit.. Anything works right about now, I just want to SEEEEEEE it.. I told her about the storage shed. Ending it w/ that before I slit my wrisssssssiiiiiiike b/c I'm in too good of a mood..

Rachael Ray's E! THS is amazing, btw..

AAAAAAND ABRUPT CUT!

This is the shit I'M tryna convey to these hos...

[From my Sub Noize rat/aka P-Town Jess]

"Heh, but yeah I read your latest memiors of a dgaf'er...sounds like some nonsence I'm used to, you see I'm a commit-a-phob, so basically I watch on-again/off-again's unfold on a daily and they all come to me for the advice...yeah if only they'd take it! Fuck I'm single for a fucking reason!"

HELL TO THE MOTHAFUCKIN' YESSSSSSSS WHY CAN'T BITCHES JUST LISTEN!?!? WHYYYYYYY!?!?

I would KILL to have someone just rewind and replay all the GENUIS ADVICE/ANALOGIES I've been spewing for a little over a week... OMFG!

"I don't even need to mark the dates you'll do something dumb. Dip that WHOLE MOTHERFUCKIN' CALENDAR in paint! You keep asking me to let you prove it to you, but I know for a FACT that I CAN'T TRUST YOU NOT TO DO THE DUMB SHIT!"

I am convinced that Lifetime movies are full of white women b/c YA'LL BITCHES NEVER EVERRRRRRRRRR LEARN. EVERRRRRR. And this ain't even ABOUT what some would think..

I'm fuckin' MISS CLEO in this bitch, LET me tell YOU. I have PREDICTED W/ A SURREAL ACCURACY just about everything that could've happened this week.

Minus the fact that I MAY NOT BE ABLE TO WORK, THANKS TO MY MA BEING, WELL, MY MA.. WHAT THE EFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF does that have to do w/ ANYTHING.. I'd get my ass chewed FIRST... Every step forward comes w/ two GIANT LEAPS BACKWARDS, I stg.. I keep tellin' ya'll. God himself doesn't want me to do a goddamn thing, lmmfao. Just be the PROPHET that I'm starting to worry that I am.. Cuz DAMN, have I been calling people out left and fuckin' right here lately. And DAMN if I haven't been BRUTALLY HONEST, so if there's something you want/need to know, holla @ a bitch. I got this here, nigga.

I've been the biggest cunt possible for some of the best reasons imaginable. If there's ever a problem, don't hestitate to tell it to a bitch who GAF b/c I'm beyond DGAF right now.. My number one saying is "It is what it is" and that's fucking THAT. Bitches wanna trip on some ol' 'Back Like That' shit, wellllll have fun w/ THAT ONE. Did you hear Ghostface!!?!? Nigga MEANT IT haha.. I love how this has literally taken me like 2 mins to type, that's how PUMPED I am right now for NOOOOOOO goddamn reason.. MOST DEFFFF 1:14am but I don't have to work in the am, so w/e.. Just know that IIIIIIII am DYING inside.. Not even the way I felt before.. Literally weak. So many random things keep happening.. I was never meant to lead a normal life, that shit is just WOOSH, oooooouuuuuutttttttt the fucking window now.

THANKS IN PART TO YOU, MY DEAR.

*mumbles something along the lines of "LISTEN TO ME, YA DUMB FUCK!"* under her breath, then just says it all, and then some*

Bwahaha, I'm tellin' you, a bitch keeps it FA REALLY REAL around these parts..

She said she want a HOOD NIGGA...

Well, she GOT ONE...

I love this song...

Tooooooooo death.. "If you keep losing meeeee, you're gonna be BORED..."

And you will be.

I don't think it's possible for me to keep my insanity a secret any longer.. Something has tipped the balance.. And now the friends that I love, well.. They've all lost their minds.. Smoke some pot, shoot some heroin.. DO SOMETHING... Keep me from ________.

This can only end violently.... Not even what you're thinking.. It's what I'M thinking... I've never been this far gone in my LIFE... Better hope my insurance kicks in before I finally up and do what I so desperately want to... I need to be mentally comatose, and soon.

One wants to fly over the cuckoos nest.. It looks so much more rational, calmer, more COMPLETE outside of the box..

I will be the new Mr. Brooks.

Is that bad? Is it bad to want to kill people? I don't think so. It's such a common thing, yanno? Think about it. People get killed every single day. It happens, like birth, just opposite. I know plenty of people who do plenty of things, yet I don't know any killers. Not that I know of.... Why don't I do me, and be first on the scene?

I wish you a merry Christmas, and a happy New Year......

Iiiiiii would love NOTHING MORE...

[Nov 11th]

than to be an extreme cunt right now. Buuuuuut that was yesterday, new day, new happiness/anger.

HOWEVER.............. Raychal, I fuckin' lovE, loVE, lOVE, LOVE you, lmmfao.. I was about to KILL that bitch!

Lemme just jump riiiiiight into that.. We went to Raychals w/ Lil David to kick it or w/e, I'm in a bad mood (who knew) b/c some females never fucking listen, and we walk in to the apt only to have some fucking EYEBALLIN' ASS, PEROXIDE'D THE FUCK OUT ASS, WHISPERIN' TO OL BOY BUT CAN'T SPEAK OUT LOUD ASS, BEAT ASS BITCH starin' and runnin' that gator like she wasn't gonna get called out.

Ask anybody.. I HAAAAAAAAAAAATE people who stare. Male or female, young or old. Take a gander, then MOVE THE FUCK ON... But noooooo.. B/c SOMEONE decided to slut it up in a school girl outfit (which, w/e, it's a Sat night.. do your thing), this bitch felt the need to look her up and down w/ the NASTIEST look on her face. BITCH, have you seen your roots lately!?!? Prob can't see out of her eye sockets w/ all that make-up blocking the fuckin' view.

Buuuuuuut! I was trying my hardest to be respectful of the apt, b/c I'd never been there and I wasn't about to kill the party by killing her.. Howeverrrrr, when I went to go hug Big James, I almost let that shit FLY.. And STILL, her lucky ass got spared.. That is, until Raych comes down and starts asking me why I look upset.. I kept tellin' her it was nothing, like I ususually do, but she was like "No! Fuck this, Lisa.. If someone in this house is pissing you off, you better fucking tell me!".. Straight buckin' on me until I was finally like, "IT'S THE BITCH W/ THE BUCKET O' EYEBALLS" and I said something else female-friendly and she was like, "AHHH there's only FOUR females in here.." She named them all but the one I was talking about, and as soon as she told me she didn't know the girl, I was like, "OH WELL THEN IT'S THAT BITCH OVER THERE ON THE COUCH W/ THE FUCKED UP HAIR AND MAKE-UP THAT'S ABOUT TO GET HER SHIT SPLIT!"

Good GOD, ya rude BITCH! Haha.. Raych told dude she was w/ that the girl had about 5 seconds to leave before she beat her ass.. I was like, FIVEFOURTHREETWOONE K GO! lmmfao.. I talked so much shit to this scrap metal ass bitch.. She's like a 10 cent stamp.. Jesus.. Rach put Jesse on the phone when I was refusing to tell her what was wrong, so he heard the 565475678 asshole comments and was weak as hell.. I was like, "THIS BITCH SCANNIN' ME LIKE I'M A FUCKIN' UPC.. I FORGOT THIS WAS THE MATRIX, WTF.. IF I WAS HER WACK ASS, AND A BITCH LIKE ME WALKED INTO A PARTY, I WOULD LOOK AND THEN LOOK THE FUCK AWAY, BUT THIS BITCH OBV THINKS I WON'T KILL HER. SHE NEEDS TO GET THE FUCK OUT.. WHYYYYYYY WOULD YOU DO THAT.. I CAN SEEEEE YOU.. DID SHE THINK I WAS JUST GON' STAND HERE AND NOT SAY SOME SHIT???" EEEEEETTTTTTTCCCCCCCC...

After THAT pops off, and the shook as bitch is putting her shoes on, some dude w/ her and ol' boy gave Raych a mean ass look so she bucked off and told him to get the FUCK out etc, and got all in his shit.. She was shoving him outside, ready to start wailin' on dude.. He had the AUDACITY to smash a beer bottle in front of her car.. Big James randomly pops up in a tee-shirt and some boxer briefs, lmfao.. He had to scoop her up before she went Smash Adams on that dude.. Shit was WEAK..

Ray made this lil speech about how her friends, esp me, should snap if someone disrespects them in her house.. I wasn't tryna be the asshole jic she was everyone's bff or w/e, but Big James called me upstairs and basically said the same thing.. That I've never disrespected him etc, so it would've been fine b/c it's not like it's something I do on routine. That's the first time in a LONG ASS TIME where I've let something go like that..

[Nov 12th]

A day later, I GIGANTIC "I TOLD YOU SO" goes out to like, 564576 people. Mainly Lauren and Becca. Alllllll I'm sayin' tho...

Apparently, it's my destiny to be the filler until people get a boyfriend.. Funny how that works.. How about I fill your insides w/ bullets and we call it a day???

I never finished the story above b/c I woke up and randomly started to blog, but so much has already happened in that day span that it doesn't even matter now. I've got a whole new fish to fry...

Let's try this thought on for size - When I look you dead in the eye, or w/e circumstance it may be, something that I know and feel 100% to be true, I am FUCKING RIGHT... Can we say it allllllllllllllll together now!?!? Just 24 hrs ago, I had someone tell me what they felt in which, @ that time, they tried to convince me w/ many many words that I was dead wrong, etc.. Following day, we have ME telling YOU exactly how YOU feel before you even deal w/ internally. Why??? B/c I was sure, and I was C-O-R-R-E-C-T. INSANE, how often this has happened recently... EVERYTHING.. How many times THIS WEEK ALONE have I said "I'm not talking just to talk.. I'm saying this b/c I know in my heart and in my mind that I'm right, so you can just talk to me when YOU realize it." or something to that effect.. How many!?!?!

PLENTY. I can't wait to YET AGAIN feel the burn and the cold once your shoulder is turned to me. It happened w/ Lauren (I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT I WAS RIGHT), and it's going to happen again. Maybe not NOW, b/c of how I constantly remind you of it, which means you'll just put a little effort into until I've got my back turned, then POOF!

So now that I'm left w/ no one to turn to in all of this madness............

I will confess that I'm almost ready to kill one of you. And I even blurted out HOW @ the mall today.. Oh, yessssssss...

KJLSFLKSFHLSDKFJISDKFHSDF I'M SOOOOOOOO FRUSTRATED, OMFG.. WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY...

W H Y!?!?

It's ok.. I got a new bag of tricks for ya'll..

A change will do me good....

Mark Wahlberg to star in ’Max’

[I have been waiting for this for EONS.]

Actor, Moore feel Fox's 'Payne'
By MICHAEL FLEMING

Twentieth Century Fox has Mark Wahlberg in the crosshairs for "Max Payne," a live-action adaptation of the bestselling Rockstar videogame that will begin early next year. John Moore will direct.

Wahlberg is negotiating to play the titular cop who is haunted by the tragic loss of his family and has little regard for rules as he investigates a series of mysterious murders. He finds himself up against an adversary bent on destroying Max and the streets he protects.

The script was written by Beau Thorne. Julie Yorn is producing through Firm Films, along with Scott Faye.

Wahlberg will make the film after he completes "The Lovely Bones" for director Peter Jackson and DreamWorks. He recently starred for the studio in the M. Night Shyamalan-directed "The Happening," which will be released next summer.

Moore has directed "Behind Enemy Lines," "Flight of the Phoenix" and "The Omen" for Fox. He also is developing a live-action adaptation of the Virgin Comics title "Virulents" for Fox and New Regency.

I feel so much better now.

Actually, I felt better on the way to work, but I just now got the chance to state that. I decided it was a Silverchair day (who knew) and listened to Young Modern on the way to Wal-Mart (pit stop). Ya'll know how Silverchair is like Valium to me.. I felt like a million bucks right up until I got to work and my Ma was there, armed w/ a lil attitude lol. I did too tho, but it was her answer to my ?s that pissed me off.. But I went back like 20 mins later w/ a mean mug that instantly softened b/c of something she said.. And she gave me this neato binder w/ the company name on it. Said that she got it for me b/c I like that kind of stuff..

And I do! Aw, she knows her eldest offspring is a total nerd @ ♥. Not even @ ♥, I just am.

The good feeling didn't last too long, but only kinda.. I WASN'T mad @ anyone, I was just generally feeling a little off. I hadn't had anything to eat or drink since the night before, and I felt all sorts of woozy up until PAST SEVEN when I finally got to eat. I WAS gonna eat earlier but somehow it took like 2-3 hours to activate 3 fuckin' phones. Plus, the kiosks were in a bit of a frenzy b/c my Ma is basically cleaning out the closet.. Too many stolen/missing phones, so she was there getting shit straight. But anyway, I didn't have an attitude, just a really big back/headache.. I didn't want to sit down until I did all of my activations but that just blew up in my face when it took eons.

God bless Loritab or however that shit is spelled. That's my "Get out of pain free" card right thurr... Took two w/ dinner and felt much better. Yay!

So don't fret over me, folks.. Thanks for the msgs, etc.. If you've been texting me, sorry.. My screen's fucked up (Morgan, PLEASE let me know wtf happened lol. I didn't even TOUCH IT!) on my old phone, so I can't see shit. HOWEVER, b/c I know my phone, I can reply to new ones (just to say call me b/c I can't read the reply), and call anyone in my phone book b/c I just have to spell the name I have them under. I'm supposedly getting one here soon, was supposed to on Monday but I have no idea wtf happened w/ that one..

Aaaaaaand I've decided that even tho I want the Wing, I kinda want like two other phones, so I'ma see what my Ma is talkin' about and go from there.. I think I know what she's gonna give me tho, so I'm secretly stoked. Trying not to bug her about it b/c I reeeeeeally need that to happen. Like TOMORROW. After the weekend, I'm not gonna be able to answer the phone all day long b/c I'm not much of a talker on the phone as it is, but it's the only way I know who called me, lol. Not tryna run my minutes into the ground, and get my ass kicked. Which reminds me, on payday I'll be paying my own bill. She better break that shit down PER phone on the account b/c I'm not payin' NOBODY ELSE'S SHIT. And if they go too far over and that shit gets cut, I', buckin' on a ho!

OOOOOHHHHHH, btw! Not ONLY will I have full, kick-ass, go to ANY doc ANY time, ANY amount of times insurance starting Feb 1st, but there's a bank plan thingy where even if you owe a bank money, you can open the account. I deffffff owe Wachovia, which I will start to repay here soon. I'm def signing up for that shit b/c it's basically like a employee package thingy and we can do our direct deposit etc... Check cards.. Which, btw is the reason I owe Wachovia lol. It was their fault, but I just dicked around and let it pass..

Hm.. What else.. OH! Of course, w/ DD I'll get paid earlier.. I want the 16th to come SOOOOOOO bad.. A bitch might go a little nuts. But I doubt it, b/c I already know what I want/need and what I don't want to spend. My vitals are minor things, so I'll prob just get a couple of cheap $5 movies @ Wally World and be done w/ it.. As far as purchases that last long go, anyway lol.

The rest, ah well...

K sooooooo what else was there that I felt like talking about........

OOOOHHHHHHH. I can't tell ya'll that. Well, maybe just a few of you. Even tho my Ma def said it to Regina earlier, which was weird, but ok.... I dgaf.. She really wants me to stick this out if for nothing but the benefits, and I can understand that. I DO need a regular doctor, and I need to have a dentist. I found out that my dolo also goes towards that, so I'm happy. My Ma broke it down for us after having Larry and Felix sign their insurance papers.

Could it be??? I said that by the end of the year, new shit would be poppin' and that I'd be getting my shit together. All I've done this week is work, and it hasn't gotten old yet. It didn't bitd either when I did the same thing, b/c you see and talk to SO many diff people, plus I work w/ some nutcases, one being my nigga Lurrrrrrry, so you know it's a wrap there.

I hope I'm not jinxing myself tho.. I'm sure I'll love it and stick w/ it.. I need to make 3257682% sure that I can go to KMK in PA/MD tho.. It's next weekend, I should def get on the ball w/ that. A lot of changes have been and will BE made here lately, so I should ask NOW before everything is set in concrete. I told my Ma a week or two ago, but she never remembers shit. I told her to stop smokin' weed, lol.

Aaaaaaand on that note, I'm ending this..

God, I feel SOOOO much better! Funny how a fat bitch like me can feel so... weightless...

I had the chorus to Silverchair - Low in my head ALL GODDAMN DAY. Sang it about 435346 times.. But I also had some moments of enlightenment during uhh.. Shit.. OH, it was Straight Lines, first.. The line that says "There's no changing yesterday".. How perfect? Had there been a comp w/ internet (open, anyway) I would've changed my name to that. I think I just might either way, b/c it applies to every day gone by.

ANYWAY, I was leaving.. I got caught up in Office Space, which I'm watching w/ Stevo.. I found this clip that just so HAPPENS to be from my ruined bday show.. Can't hear it b/c there's no sound on this mafaka, but I'm gonna post it anyway.



"Stay and hijack the HUUURT, I feel so loooooooooooow, I feel so HIIIIIIIIIGGGGGHHHH... Take a look inside myyyy miiiiiiiiind..."

Ah, sweet serenity.

Damn.. There I go again...

Can your foot be in your mouth if it's really not???

My blog last night pretty much ended my friendship w/ both Lauren and Brandi. They aren't getting what I'm saying.. And YES, I HAVE been "shoved up Becca's ass" but it isn't for naught. It's a Jerry Maguire "Help ME help YOU" kind of thing.. I told everyone who asked that I was happy for Brandi and Gregg.. I just did @ work the other day... And I told Lauren the same thing. I even explained to her how I felt about not being able to talk to her, or asking her to talk to her by herself.. I..

FUCK.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say anymore.. It's too deep of a convo to have w/ myself via blog, per usual..

No it's not...

For years.. And years.. I isolated myself from all but maybe two people.. Didn't have shit else.. Depressed as all fuckin' HELL.. Gained mad weight, etc.. But then I started going to more shows again.. And then Brandi and I got to be as close as we are/were.. And from then on I just stopped hiding, and started having friends again.. The friends I DO have mean more to me than anything on this earth. The thought of being left out, or behind kills me. It's not their fault, but I've said this before.. I said it when Lauren and Amanda were bffs.. And I KNOOOOOOW damn well I have my times where I do the same shit..

DSKHGLJDSHFLSDH;F FUCK.. My head is so fucked up right now.. I just called my Ma to ask her about something completely unrelated and started crying..

OMFG LISA...... IT'S LONLINESS...

I would rather push you away than watch you leave me. Plain and simple. If you tell me "Hey we're still gonna hang out" but then we don't, the paranoia grows by leaps and bounds in my head, to the point where I can't think straight and then things like this happen..

"When I'm paranoid, I see walls behind walls behind walls..."

Everyone's so concerned about me fixing other people's problems until I'm fixing THEIR problems, and THEN it's all good. I wrote what I felt after repeatedly saying/blogging that I AM ALL SORTS OF FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW/NEED TO TALK.

I'm fucking dying. Inside, outside, whatever.

Soooooo, I just bawled my way thru a convo w/ Brandi.. I think we both understand what the other is trying to say... And btw, L-A-U-R-E-N, stop thinking it's about Jeremy. You knew what it was about when I mentioned Amanda.. The way my problem w/ you had nothing to do w/ Amanda personally is the same deal w/ Jer. It's not his fault that you can't balance me w/ anyone else.. So if what you wrote me still holds true, then that's fine. We won't be friends. How often do I have to strip what I say down to the basics until you get the point? If I didn't care about you, I'd let you stand there looking stupid. I told you flat-out a WEEK ago how BAD I need to talk to you etc.. I would never tell someone that, no matter how much I wanted to, and I did anyway. Where did that lead me? If someone is telling you that it would take the Jaws of Life to extract a convo about the sitfrom them, what does that mean? It means that they're hurting to the point of admittance, something I don't do.

I'm sorry that it's become too much of an effort for us to be friends.. But I can't keep explaining myself b/c it takes too much out of me every time. I've known all along that you don't have the ability to comprehend half of what I'm saying to you, and since that's the part that makes me "down talk" you, then I guess that's that. And to be honest, I'd keep doing it if I thought you were @ least trying to read past what's on the surface, but you don't seem to WANT to understand me, so.. I appreciate all of you who do, and ... Well, I don't know what to say to the ones that don't, b/c I don't want to cause you any more headaches.

Ms. Lauren M. Bradley, I love you to death.. I know what's being said.. I'm sure there's a lot of "If she makes you feel ___ then stop hanging w/ her."

What do you think Iiii hear when I'm griping about you not trying to push yourself any further to learn, or to stand up for yourself etc.. The only person you WILL stand up to is ME, even tho I'm the only one pushing you to take yourself to the next level and realize that you're smarter than you think. EVERY SINGLE TIME, my response is that I do it b/c I love you, you're my friend, that I dgaf b/c I wouldn't ever not want to be your friend, but like I said all you see is what's on the surface.

You know full well I'm an asshole like I know full well you're, well.. YOU.

See, there I go again, breaking it down to the basics. This hurts so fucking much, it's unreal. I can't be your friend and not feel like I'm you're friend. That's how I feel when you slowly but surely let me fall to the point of lingering behind you somewhere. I do what I do in RESPONSE to you, not the other way around. But you don't see it that way.

Aaaaand now to make the Cliff's Notes version of what I'm trying to say, b/c I have to go to work...

CLICK

CLICK

CLICK

CLICK

CLICK

Goodbye!

Everything is just all too obvious...

Everything that pisses me off to NO end.. All too obvious.. And yet people stiiiiiiiill continue to do them, and to me specifically.

Quite obviously, you don't give a fuck.

Quite obviously, I have to stop giving a fuck about those particular people.

Goodbye, love...

I'm saying goodbye to all of the inseparable couples. Brandi and Gregg ahead of time, b/c they'll be @ the gym w/ the other couple, Lauren and Jeremy. The funniest thing I've heard all day was Jessica telling me that b/c Lauren was "hanging out w/ us all week" she's gonna hang w/ Jer's friends...

What week was this??? Not THIS week, or the week before that, ORRRRRR the week before that.

Now, this isn't hate, in no way shape or form. This is me calling her out b/c I didn't think it would happen again after Amanda, even tho she does it to plenty of others. I don't know how many times I have to say I AM NOT HERE FOR YOUR ENTERTAINMENT before it sticks. My Ma the other day told me that I need to stop being so accessible to all of my friends, and fixing THEIR problems, and start worrying about myself. Sooooo.. Here's to @ least trying that out.

It could just be a new couple thing but either way, no matter the couple, that shit skeeves me the fuck out. Like, how could you not even attempt to hang out w/ anyone else? WE were pretty attached @ the hip, but even then I have an extreme amount of stories to tell from plenty of days/nights w/o her.

And I'm not apologizing this time b/c this is how I feel about it. It applies to any couple where I never see one w/o the other. Disgusting. Kill yourselves. NOW.

Maybe I'm just the cold-hearted asshole, buuuuut...

Strike that, no excuses, it's just annoying and cheesy aaaaaaand I couldn't do it. More power to you all. Jay & Steph, rock the fuck out! Hope the marriage lasts a thousand lifetimes...

But a bitch like me needs to breathe.....



I got 99 friends, DGAF about ONE.

Of course, I'm lying, and Lauren will write me some dramatic ass msg and I'll cave, thinking she's serious this time, and won't be cut off from the ones who GAF, and then in a month I'll be writing the same thing.

WHYYYYYYYY do things get so complicated???

Just... Don't be THAT girl.. The one who gets a man and then randomly you're a Siamese twin...

So.. Does that mean "they are Siamese if I DON'T please"???

PS Jeremy, you're the shizzle my nizzle, and I love hanging out w/ you... Good call on that Mulisha jacket. I'm proud to have hopefully opened a new, much more awesome chapter in your wardrobe. Buuuuut...

It was already getting to be a bit much before the most unecessary announcement ever was made, but damn.. Well, since she's QUITE OBVIOUSLY (keep track of how many blogs I use this in, kids) all yours now, I hope you're good to her.

Have fun @ the formal!

What a fucking day...

And by day, I mean ENTIRE FUCKING MONTH OF NOVEMBER SO FAR, B/C I DEEEEEF CAN'T DISTINGUISH ONE DAY FROM THE NEXT...

HOOOOOOOOLY......

I have been thru some of THEEEEEEE most Maury ass bullshit, INCLUDING a paternity test (not mine, dur, fuck a kid), INCLUDING seeing someone's arm in a window as they're being damn near dragged down the street... INCLUDING starting a new job tired as FUCK.. INCLUUUUUUUUUUDIIIIIIIIIIIIING EVERYONE ACTING LIKE THEY'RE SO GODDAMN INNOCENT...

OMFG.. I can't even imagine wtf will happen in my life NEXT week.. People, I'm not blowing you off, I'm leaving you out of the drama, lol. I couldn't have possibly imagine all of the shit that's happened in November, lmmfao. The JAKES were @ Gma's, mannnnnn.. That's the fuckin' BATCAVE, meanwhile the Jakes stay @ this bitch thanks to Stevo loving to leave his shit out in front of some grimey ass people.. But even tho he was there, this had nothing to do w/ him.. OR me, but my JANITOR ASS is always left to pick up the pieces/clean the mess, so w/e.. I should be a publicist.. They get to spin all sorts of stories, and obv clean up the mess, something I'm QUITE OBVIOUSLY proficient @...

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW.. Like that night @ the condo, Lauren.. All I can say is "WOOOOOOOOOOW".. This Itchy & Scratchy ass bullshit, jeeeeeeeeeez.

I miss blogging, lol.. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO much shit has taken place and I must come to grips w/ the fact that I won't be caught up anytime soon w/ the stories.. Actually that's some bs, I just don't need to waste my first day off.. Which is actually wasting it if you want to get technical, buuuuuuut I dgaf b/c a bitch is stressed THE fuck out and I'm about to just start swingin' in circles until I feel rectified.

Just to be the dick that I am, I will make note of how Lauren's monkey ass invited me to go w/ her to her work formal, but now that she's playing Barbie ♥ Ken, I am uninvited w/o notice. You telling me your man is getting a suit to wear as your date doesn't = telling me.

On a heavier note, I am most def going to kill one of you. So watch your back, homie! LOL, said so lightly, but I feel so sincere... I really want to. Honest to God, if the wrong moment comes about, BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Three holes, one box, six feet, zero tears. I'm over it.

I can't kick it to you no realer than that. And I've been in some reeeeeeal ass moments here lately. Sometimes you gotta let a bitch know about themselves before they get too far gone...

WHYYYYYY did that shit have to happen last night..? BITCH I GOTTA WORK.. And what's even worse is I was SUPPOSED to be off and going to Golden Corral today, but Jorge, etc have to drive to Fairfax for a meeting and he doesn't trust pretty much anyone in the store but me, so I gotta play stand-in. AWESOME. Love it when that happens!

I also love it when bitches push buttons on purpose. It seems like this entire week has revolved around who can be the bigger bitch/dick. A lot of you joined in this game. I'm on my Major League Asshole game right now, so if you see me, start off polite or I might could stick you.

NIGGA AX ABOUT ME...

Aw, yay.. TJ just called me.. Jenn is on that BULLSHIT. LMFAO @ "Meth is the new crack" bwahaha...

His BLACK ass just told me he bought a Richard Pryor album, lmmfao. Awesome, cuz Pryor was that dude, man.. Ted Jan, you're my only friend!

And now you're the only reason I'm ending this blog. I "wasted" my time yukkin' it up w/ you and now I gotta leave for my J-O-B.. I guuuuuuess I can blog some more later, maybe be a lil more descriptive?

Anyway, here's the most awesomely white moment of the year. Like I said, WHITE PEOPLE stay on some rap shit, and this proves it. Look @ that lil nigga to our right gettin' it tho!

Well ain't THAT some shit...

Whaaaaaaat a fucking way to end October.. Strange NOIZES, strange people, and MANY strange occurances... Funny how the month I've blogged the least is the month where I've done the most. The most this YEAR, that is.. Ya'll know how we get on that whirlwind shit and just go w/ it..

Hm.. No idea wtf I want to blog about, b/c there's really just too much. Obv, I have my notes, but I'm on the phone w/ Brandi so I guess that'll have to wait for another time. Which is what I said the last like 2 or 3 blogs, I do believe, but w/e.. A bitch has been busy, what can I say.. If you've seen me, it's b/c you live in the proper areas for me to be seen, haha. Not in a dick way, but when you're not the driver, there's really only a few places you end up going by choice. I love and miss the ones I'm supposed to, however, so hopefully in November we can bridge this gap, hm?

Unless I'm not talking to you for a reason, but by now all who could be accounted for in that category are well aware of the fact that they're pissing me off. Highly. And there's about to be some new additions, cuz THAT'S THAT BULLSHIT.

Allllll I'ma say...

And this isn't to YOU, it's to YOU, get it right haha...

Soooooooo yeah um what else do I want to say before I go....

Nothing. I'll get it all out eventually, so w/e..

In parting....



PS the reason I'm posting that song yet again is b/c of HOW MANY FUCKING PEOPLE HAVE CALLED ME IN THE PAST WEEK, and that's the ringer for anyone not in a certain category. Hooooooly shit, thank GOD I could never get tired of Silverchair...