"I'd love to have your cake, and eat it, too...."

Baaaaaaaaack to my birthday cake.

My Ma apparently stocked up in Mormon food bank items, which explains the absoluuuuutely disgusting cake she made for me. I wish I could share it via blog, or even in person, but I def gave that bitch back THE next day. Like, ohhh you're out of the ER, hm?? Here's your fucking cake back, bitch.

I.... Oh my.. I just wish I knew how to explain the nastiness of the cake! WTF!! I snapped for about an hour, off and on, while eating my bday dinner w/ Lauren and Dylan.... Lucious was weak as a bitch, b/c I made him taste it jic it was just me. But no! I was right, and his exact words were "That jank is trife as a bit." Sooooo, nice try, Ma.. I wrapped the entire thing (we just ate the frosting, that was enough) in tin foil and put it in a grocery bag. I returned it the same way.

The thing is, the selfishness of it all, is what amused me the most. I literally went the fuck OFF about this cake, like I dgaf that she was currently in the hospital, or that she gave birth to me, for that matter. I was like, "I specifically recall texting her and telling her it 'better taste like love', but this mafaka tastes like she fucking HATES me, like she can't stand a bitch!"... I was tempted to throw it against a wall and leave it there, but that would've been too far.

Now, had she been home.......

Spoiled, right?? Wrong. It's her goddamn fault. As picky as we are as a family, wtf would she even ASSUME I would eat that bitch?? She fuckin' knew, I know she did. Her reaction to me walking in the following night w/ the OG cake, plus a REAL box of mix/frosting (Duncan Hines) let me know that she wasn't too sure about the bitch her damn self. I walked into some sort of fagalicious meeting w/ maaaad lil gay dudes (I hope I know someone from the ST forum, haha) w/ all that in my hands, and she goes "Oh noooo, no you didn't!"

"Ohhhh yes I did. The cake is f-n trife."

Before that, West had asked me in the driveway why I hadn't left a slice for anyone. I told her they could have the entire fucking thing back, and that was why I was there in the first place. She then proceeds to tell me that my sis Lauren told her it was "bangin", an assumption that came from NOTHING, seeing as how the entire cake was intact when I got there. HTF would she know??

Anyway, she's baking my cake Sat along w/ one for Lauren, as it is her 18th birthday. Last one of us to become legal. First one out of the baby gate, however. :|

Wtf was I about to... Oh! So again the spoiled thing....... Remember last Christmas when I blogged about how selfish my Ma was, and that I brought her a Wawa sub which she hated and flipped the fuck out over, causing me to throw it against the wall (ha...) and flip out in return?? This is the exact same way she prob felt about her sub, thus making it her fault twice-over b/c she bred that selfish nature into all 3 of us, sooooo... The phrase "Why would I even....." preceeds a lo of argument-starting sentences in our family, and always has. Or "Why would you...", as in WHY WOULD YOU BAKE ME A CAKE YOU KNOW I WON'T EAT!!!?!? Whyyyyy would I bring her a sub she wouldn't eat??, etc...

Basically, we all need to get over ourselves, but no one has been able to force us to do so, esp not our Dad who lost plenty of battles w/ her over the years. LB snapped on me once when she made me PB&J that I refused to eat, but wtf would you make me something like that KNOWING I have texture issues?? The spread of jelly I use is so thin, it's like purple paint on bread. I just want the flavor, not the actual jelly, lol. I appreciate the gesture in situations like that, but then I'm like, whyyyyy would you even do it, knowing how I am?? It's a dick thing to do/say/feel, but that's what it boils down to.

I've had people get butt hurt b/c I won't let them fix me eggs. STFU! If you know how fanatical I am about my eggs, why would you set yourself up for such a verbal lashing?? I'm not going to be gracious and eat them anyway, trust and BE-LIEVE that shit, lol. This is why I'm getting CUNT tattooed inside my lip. It's just what it is, son.

And don't waste your time on the hardball game of "Well fine, I just won't do the shit for you ever again."

Really, cuz that would be SPLENDID, OBV, HENCE MY REACTION. Nine times out of ten, I never asked for the treatment given, so that's on YOU. Ya prick! lol

Nevermind the fact that sometimes it's just funny to see how people react to my reactions. I love a non-fight fight where I can just throw witty jabs left and right, and then ask you is it THAT serious?? Or be asked, even. That makes it better, esp if YOU initiated the fight.

"IS IT??" is my typical response to that one, and I'm sure all the other assholes who read this will agree that it works best.

[Edit]

I wrote this like a week ago, and have since been BACK to my Ma's house. THIS BITCH didn't bake my cake!! I went on LA Dre's bday (my sis) and kicked it w/ the 'Phew for a lil bit. Still SO cute.. Anyway she tells me she was tired or some shit. I'm tired of not having a cake, bitch. I dgaf that I'm 27 and not 17, I WANT A BIRTHDAY CAKE AND I WANT ONE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWW!!!!




My nigga is KIIIIIILLIIIIIIIIN' it, btw..