Soooooo, THIS is where my life is now.... [wtf!]

After spending a lovely week away from home, I return and I'm there for all of like, 20 mins before all hell breaks loose.

I'm telling my Ma about how financially irresponsible she is, and apparently after all we've been thru, THAT was the breaking point.

She called the cops and had them dragging my shit out of the house, cut my phone off (which app was happening tomorrow ANYWAY BITCH SO FUCK YOU), talks to me like I'm a complete stranger...............

TELLS ME SHE HAS BREAST CANCER.................

DID ANYONE ELSE HAVE A PROBLEM W/ THAT ONE?? OR IS IT JUST ME??

AAAAAAAAAAAND NOT ONLY THAT, BUT SHE TOLD MY SISTER MMMMMMOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHSSSSSSSSSS AGO..

MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER... MONTHS AGO.... WHICH IS APPARENTLY WHY SHE FOUND MY FAHJ... REALLY, IS THIS A TRADE OFF?? I CAN'T.

I CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN'T.

SO AFTER THAAAAAAAT, WE SPEND OUR LOVELY TIME IN THE RAIN FOR LIKE AN HOUR, AND THEN MY BRO'S CAR.. THAT BITCH................. Didn't want me using my bro's phone. Really, cuuuuuuuz you cut mine off.. Aaaaaaand you're gonna complain about that, buuuuuuut every dime I earned this year went to you.... Soooooooooo........???

I wanted to move to MS after court, which was TODAY btw.. I got 30 days suspended provided I don't get into trouble, so she calls the COPS on me!?!? SHUUUUUUUUUUT THE FUCK UP...

DJGHKLJADSHFIASLHFJASHFASGHKLFGSABFSKGFLSHAFJASKLGFJHKGASFKLASHGVFKJASHGFKLASJHGFASLHFGEUOGLFKIJHASGFKGDSF

THIS IS HORRIBLE!! LMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMFAO OMFG THIS IS HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRIBLE... HERE, LET ME POST A LITTLE SNIPPET FROM THE BOOK, SOMETHING I WROTE AFTER MEETING MY FATHER...;

"Meeting him was a sign of the apocalypse. I'm sure of it. It's all about to hit the fan now... I know my life, I know my fated patterns.. Watch where you stand, America, b/c I'm the next best thing... Iiiiiiiiif you're a lightening bolt. Something's gotta go wrong cuz I'm feelin' way too damn good. Never a truer statement. Well, other than all the other ones I say that about. Either way, the shit rings true as a bitch in my ears. We started talking about all this stuff, like how w/ all my travels and refusal to stay put I've just been looking for myself etc. I disagree tho, that's more of where my relationship w/ my mother comes in. My whole life, she's been the one person I wholly and completely belonged to, so of course I clung to her. CLING to her. When the entire world lets me down, and it does, she is the person I can turn to, whether she knows that's what I'm doing or not. I suffer thru some of the worst heartbreaks you could imagine just to feel like I have something to hold onto. It may not be a blue blanket, but it's damn comforting. Just seeing her face makes me feel better. I can't imagine what I'll do when she's gone."

REEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLYYYYYYY?????? And Grace is my witness that I didn't just type that shit up.. She's right next to me, and saw me open Blogger and copy that piece.. I am the Oracle, apparently.. How did I fucking know something bad was going to happen?? Oh wait, b/c it always does..!!

ALWAYS!! OMFG!!!!!!!!!

BREAST CANCER???????? Remember the blog I wrote about the dream where she was dying?? This year. All the nightmares I've been having lately and telling people about that have to do w/ her BEING GONE.. WTF!!?! I don't want to believe it, not @ all.. I want her to somehow get ahold of me and tell me she's not sure, that it's only a possibility. WHICH is probably the case, but until I know...... And if she tells me she DOESN'T have it?? WHOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAMYFUCKING GOD... WHAT IF SHE ONLY SAID IT TO KEEP ME FROM KILLING HER!?!?! ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE @ THIS POINT, LMMMMMMFAO..

I'M DONE. I'm freezing, I'm hungry, I'm HOMELESS....

I'm gone.



PS, that's def her ringer and has been all year.

Uh-oh, Jen...

Def listening to Beth Hart... Obsession overload!

I dgaf, that bitch brings it HOME on 'Get Your Shit Together', oh lawd...I'm not even gonna bother telling you just how many times I've listened to it today.. Just know that it's getting up there..

She's sayin' something awful true in that song.. Normally I'd post the song, but I want you to dl and listen to it.. See how you feel about your decision..

This song is old as a bitch, and I can remember being younger and envisioning myself as her, singing this to someone.. But now that I'm older, I AM that someone. I don't know how the fuck that happened, but it's true..

Did III take it too far? Did III forget who I am?? Did IIIIII stash my soul into a closet forever??

Excellent questions, horribly true answers.

Morgan..... This is what we were talking about.. That's what made me want to hear it.. The other crowd, the one we def don't belong in.

I neeeeeeeeeeeed, and have always needed Beth Hart to sing this directly to me. I need that experience, omfg.. I would throw up everywhere..

What really kicked this off was something Grace said about me the night we were w/ my fahj.. I have tears in my eyes right now b/c of all of the things this song forces me to dwell on.............

It's funny what growing up does to a person. You're never the same, and if you are it's usually a bad thing. They say breaking up is hard to do, but I think GROWING up has it beat ten-fold.

I just realized now, RIGHT now, exactly why I love writing so much. All of my blogs lately have been interrupted w/ things for the book, and I love it.. DO NOT LOVE, HOWEVER, the fact that I lost my pen last night.

Later, gator.

Hello again my friend
It’s been sometime,
I try and read you
In your shifting eyes
Your hands are trembling
As I hold ’em in mine
How ya livin’
You were the talker
& I was the clown
We grew up wonderin’
How we would get out
But you’re still talkin’ talkin’
You got places to go
You got people to know
You got plans
To get your shit together
Did you take it too far
Did you forget who you are
Did you stash your soul
Into the closet forever
So now you’re hustling
For the five & dime
You cure the stranger
& his perverted mind
You are the poet of need
& lust how’s the preachin’
You painted destinations
On the inside
& dreamed of revelations
Yearning to fly
But you’re still walkin’
& still talkin’
Hold on geany
Watch what ya say
Save your preachin’
For a rainier day
Hold on geany
I’m talkin’ to you
You’re so amazing
In whatever you do

Bwahahaha.....

Sooo get THIS funny ass shit.. My Ma showed my sis the pic of the dad w/ the camera in hand and asked her who it looked like.. What does she say??

"Lisa's long-lost father..."

_______________________________________________

What a way to find out. She's mad @ my Ma for never telling her, but my Ma thought I'd already told her.. Why would I? How would I??

I dunno.. It's turning into this weird thing.. My Ma asked if I was mad @ her, but I'm not.. I've known for 16 years, so... Plus, it's all resolved, well the initial shit anyway.. Just wanted a face for the name, and VOILA, the face is MINE..

Hahaha..

Bitchin......

Say whaaaaaaat...

Sooooooo, last night Grace and I went to meet up w/ bio-dad. Holy weird shit...! I still don't know wtf to say.. How in the heeeelllllllll... I had a million dif ways I'd seen this happening ever since I first found out.. It was totally cool tho, don't get me wrong.. Just so.. WEIRD! My FA-THER.

What's even MORE awesome is the fact that he was only in town for a few days, and I just HAPPENED to catch him.. He left like an hour after we met up.. And otw to meet him, we pass this sign on the Blvd (Va Bch Blvd for you non-locals) that says "Today Is A Good Day To Visit" or some shit like that.. STFU... It's right before you pass Princess Anne HS on the right side..

We both started dying, omg.. GRAAAAAAAAACE.. She can tell you how weird it was.. We just kept laughing and like.... I dunno.. It was so random.. I can't believe it happened!!

Anyway, after I woke up/showered I said a lil bit to thy video soooo...



Check THIS shit out tho...



Uhh, hello?? And this?? Nigga, that's MY deadpan face.. MINE.



I can't. ♥

Pull my wank or WALK THE PLANK!!!

LMMFAO.. Last night was weeeeeeeak as a bitch. Potheads in pirate costumes?? Aaaaaaawlriiiiiiiiight!

He def thought I was taking pics the entire time I filmed this. You can def tell, lol.. He looks so frustrated over the lack of a hat.. How 'bout the lack of a CLUE, cuz I'm def DYING for no reason/talking to Lauren on the vid b/c she's not there..

Oh yesssss...



I DID take pics before and after this, which I'm about to send to Laura (seen pirate left) here in a minute..

I rule.

The not-so-quiet riot.......

This short little clip was filmed by yours truly while sitting @ the magistrate one chilly evening earlier this year..



I was [thisclose] to slitting my throat and spraying my blood all over that baby.

Aaaaaaaand now you can stfu, Brandi...

This is part deux of a very interesting night @ the oceanfront.. I haven't uploaded part one b/c I'd want to edit it first aaaaaand that's just not going to happen right now, or probably ever. It'll end up in pieces on the (not uhhh, the!) dvd or some random shit like that..

Eeeeeeeeither way, here it is.. The crazy bitch I'm yelling @ turned out to be Melissa's aunt.. So uhh, sorry slick, but your aunt was about to geeeeeeeet iiiiiiiiiiittttttttt... There were unmarked bastards @ the other end of the lot, her only saving grace. Note how polite I am to her, however!

Hearts and flowers!

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"My beloved little brother Mark D. Smith has passed away

in CT. Please pray for my family.
Mark. Marine. Man. Mason. Married.
Thank You,
Susan " - My Ma...

Really?? I said it was going to be somebody close to home. Aw, Uncle Marky.. I remember when he stayed w/ us for a while. I was just telling someone the night before it happened that he'd been the first person to take me out on a motorcycle. I would've sworn I was going to fall off and die.

Aw.. Uncle Marky...

My Ma/her sibs had just gone up to see him, and left the day before. Love that she told him not to hold on for them, aaaaaand not even 24 hrs later...

Stfu Ma! Just like I keep BEGGING YOU TO, lol..

If she reads that, she'll prob take it in the worst way possible and start in on some crazy tirade. I asked her if she was dying earlier. She told me I was crazy, always coming up w/ some weird shit..

Well, hello! You're not exactly the voice of reason anymore, sweetheart!

I wish I could just put you all in my life for a day, even tho I'm glad @ the same time that I can't. That's my life, holmes, don't need you alllll up in it unless I think you're in it to win it..

But anyway, I'm not in *that moment* so I'm out..

PS DEF walked from where Providence and S Plaza start, all the way (zig-zagged) to Blue Horseshoe @ the beach w/ Jessica the other day... Hooooooooooooly shitttttaaaaaalk about THAT later tho, but omfg if you live here, then you fucking KNOW my soul is crying out.

Or, if you saw us.. Like Stevo, Clutch, JAAAAAAKE AND S-A-R-A-H, and a slew of other random ass people did..

But like I said... Laaaaaaaater, dude.



[cuz why the fuck not?? They WERE Philly kids..]

R.I.P. Uncle Marky